Neonixehertz.

Here again after such a long time.

2009-11-18T03:27:00.000+08:00

Hey.
Its been ages.
February to..November. How long is that?
Lazy to count..haha.
i never thought i'd be typing here again.
don't know why i'm here anyway.
"Zul, i know you like to keep things to yourself. You don't like to trouble others. But try to find a way to let those feelings out once in awhile, be it writing a diary or whatsoever. If not, you'll just be putting yourself through unncessary pain. You always help your classmates to feel better when they're down and thats what you tell them, right? So you know these things better. i know you're strong but even the strongest people need to open up sometimes.."
Thats what my teacher said to me 4 years ago..its because i'm somewhat more willing to listen and help others.

When i see them happy, i'll be happy too.Thanks for the compliments, 'cher. haha..
i know i put myself through alot of UNnecessary pain and shit..but its somehow a way for me to feel that i'm still a stable working system although being a dysfunction. And some of the shit i put myself through, i would say they were necessary at that point of time. But even so, i won't write everything down here..or anywhere. Haha.

Am i still me?
Am i still myself?
Am i still the same?
i've always wanted to change for the better.
But these changes are REALLY opening my eyes.
Just when i thought that the turning point of my life at 14 basically shapes myself for who i am today..there would be more to come. Never would i guess its something major or drastic. Changes come in any way and every way. It is up to us to open up to them and accept it or not. It really feels like i'm becoming someone else. Is this what they call 'growing up'? i have no idea..i've never grew up in the first place.

Things happened.
Many things happened.
Too many things happened.
Too many things had happened to be updated here.

First of all, i'd like to say i'm a much more happy person than what i was last time. Realised that i've been down there for too long and i got sick of it. i've always believed in making life better for everyone. No point in staying there without making any effort. So i fought back to pick myself up and now, i feel much better and more lively..In other words, i'm a happier motherfucker lah. Thanks to me being a jap freak in the earlier part of the year..lazy to explain about that..haha.

Next, Lufthansa Technical Training or better known as LTT.
7 months of hell over and done with.

And i passed the exam! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!
ALHAMDULILLAH! THANK YOU ALLAH! =D
And basically because of that, i'm on cloud 9.
By the time i'm typing this, its been 2 weeks since the results were out.
But i'm still on cloud 9 and i can't get down. (=
Out of LTT. Like a release from a prison i didn't knew i was in.

In the 7 months of LTT, i've cut all my ties with TP and Engine since i know i was gonna be occupied with all those Aerospace shit and stuff. i intended to return someday though..when i'm done with LTT. But when i came back, i felt so lost. i didn't even feel like a part of TP or Engine anymore. Almost all the oldbirds that i know and used to hang out with have graduated and all i see are new people and new faces. LTT started during April Week 0..so, i missed my chance of getting to know the new people. Heart pain sia see everyone happy2 cheer2 like mad people while i already started school. Heart pain heart pain..really pain. Not only did i missed my chance to meet and make new friends, i also missed the opportunity to go through week 0 with the oldbirds as well. It was their last week 0 as a TP student. Not only April week 0 didn't get to go..October week 0 also cannot go. Why? LTT haven't finish. While people have 2 months of holidays, we're still schooling and only have a week of rest before the October semester starts. Nice huh? Dammit dammit..

So sad i wasn't able to be there for them. i only know that the next turn..is mine. But the thought just stops there.Coming back as a normal TP student, i can finally wear 'civilian clothes' again..haha.

Wah shit, so many new ppl. i dont know them. Not to mention they dont even hear about me before..but thats bcz i prefer to be low profile. So much for being an oldbird. Mampus, sekarang aku pun dah jadi oldbird. Baik ah,thanks for reminding that i'm old. Wah dammit, 3.2 already. LAST semester.i thought that there's still so much time before yr 3 comes..i didnt really appreciate or treasure those great moments in tp. But i have to say, things were looking pretty bad at times and thats why i didnt really appreciate/treasure or even think about it much. But now i've realised alot of things and i want to appreciate and treasure every moment left in tp. i really regret for not doing so seriously and sincerely in the past years but whats the point of regretting now? No use if regret but never do anything about it. Alot went through my mind to make me realise these things but i've gone through them and lazy to write here. Its all at the back of my mind.

Just thinking about it..all camps and events i went to..
From the time i was pre-freshie/freshie up till now..
TPRawks 06.
FOC '07 - Kaistor.
Week 0 April '07.
TPRawks 07.
OTC '07 - Phantos.
FOW/C '08 - Phantos.
Week 0 April '08.
Engine Essential Ones (EEO) Camp.
Week 0 October '08.
Ashrae Storm 2 Camp.
OTC/W '08 - Zetten.
FOW/C '09 - Zetten.
Ashrae Ghastly Encounters Camp.
Beyond Boundaries Halloween Camp.
SME 'Facebook' Camp.

Okay i dont know what else to write.
This post became too long that i took days to type it and i have already forgotten what i actually wanted to say.
Nvm..

All the best and good luck to Hafiz and his group for MP judging..
All the best and good luck to those retaking the LTT exam..
Then hopefully, can jam..

Thinking about you.

2009-11-18T03:06:00.000+08:00

i cant sleep
not able to sleep
keep thinking about you
no idea why of all people, you are the one
when i give it the 'just forget about it' mentality, you keep appearing in my mind
there's just something thats telling me to go on
i like you for who you are
some ask if the person is good-looking
i tell them..when you like someone, they will look the best no matter what
but of course the person is good-looking
altho i may not know you well
i want to know you better
to even feel this way, i had to deal with alot of shit within myself
its rather more to giving myself a chance
but i am totally aware of who i am
i'm not rich, i'm not charismatic, or whatever
all i have to offer is this pathetic honest and sincere heart
no wonder they told me i'm a loser

Blood will follow blood..

As we fall further down..

2009-02-02T01:09:00.003+08:00

This..
This feeling..
This unnamed feeling..
Happens too many countless times..
Start to feel that the feeling's a part of you..
Making you realise who you really are..
As we keep falling further down..
Further down..
Gone..

What i felt
What i known
Never shine through in what i've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What i felt
What i known
Never shine through in what i've shown
Never free
Never me
So i dub thee unforgiven..

First post for 2009

2009-01-11T20:50:00.002+08:00

Hey,
First of all..
Happy New Year.
Yeah i know its late.
11 days late.

Imran's NS huh?
Hafiz should be busy.
As for me, Aerospace is real busy.
But its just starting anyway.

OTCW '08.
i still think its a bad idea having a workshop on the first day cos there's not enough time. Anyway, being a GL again. New empire; Zetten. Honestly, definitely my best empire so far. The people are great, cool and chill. What more can you ask for? i have no complains about Zetten. i've been through this with Phantos..but let me just say it. i seriously dont care if i'm well known in the empire or not because what matters to me is the friendship that i make and share with each and every single person in Zetten and i know what kind of GL i am; the things i do and the way i work. i dont usually go out straight, unless when needed, because i want to allow other people to lead, allow them to seize and make full use opportunities and get the experience that they need. Or maybe its also due to me prefering to be low-profile. i prefer to do behind-the-scenes stuff and if ever the empire's in a down mood, i'll be really glad to be one of the people to keep encouraging the empire not to give up and carry on. i love Zetten, i really do.
So yeah, thats for Zetten. (=

Anyway,
After a fucking long 11 months, finally i got it. Class 3 License, woohoo! Missed out the first 2-4 months after enrolling, thats why it took 11 months. 18 points, lucky fuck. Kena sabo twice..how? Was kinda disappointed at first but like what everyone said..dont give a damn since you already got it and thats the most important thing and i realise how true it is in just a split second. Haha! Its really something i want really bad for a very long time so yeah, thanks to all the instructors, thanks dad for sponsoring, thanks haziq for letting me drive your car and finally,
Thank you very much Allah. (=

There's something that i wanted to say but i forgot.
Not really feeling well.
Thats it i guess.

Don't ask me where i'm headed or heading to..
All i can say is..
To a better life not only for me,
But for everyone else as well..

The Outlaw Torn, i'm torn.

2008-12-13T09:06:00.002+08:00

i'm outlaw of torn..
And i'm torn.

SR-71 - Goodbye

2008-12-05T05:19:00.004+08:00

Been some time.

Realised something
The night that caused it all
Was just the other night
Its been a long and rough journey
Yet everything feels so fast
Really fast
If only we saw it coming
Would things be different?
Will we be willing to make some changes?
But is there any point in trying again?
When i'm the only one who thinks that way
While the rest thinks that its totally hopeless
i guess there's almost nothing that can be done
Just to make things better
Just to make things better
i really hope
i'm not the one who's thinking this way
or ever thought about it
Am i just guilty of not cherishing/treasuring things when they are still around or..
Not able to move on?
i may have not treasured some things but i want to change, at least before i die
i am able to move on. But if we did, is this how things are going to end?

Only time will tell.
Tell what?
Yes or No.
That's all.

Anyway,
Been super busy.
Ph7 really reminds me of alot of things.
There's reasons why i was who i was.
But if you are happy now, who am i to voice out.
All i can honestly say is that i am happy for you people.
Last but not least,
Good luck for term test to everyone. (:

Just a song i found..

SR-71 - Goodbye

i'm everything you know
You wonder friend or foe
i'm the burning in your throat when you swallow
But you spit me out
Your stomach full of doubt
And you're faking every word out of your mouth
But you won't let go
It's all about control
Understand i'm born to lead you will follow
i don't wanna stay
i'm running away
Don't you hear me when i say

Goodbye
So long
Nice try
i'm gone
You don't like being second
i don't like being wrong
i won't forget the way you made me feel
i won't regret running away from here
So i'll say goodbye again

Now it's there to see
You've forgotten me
Ever since i was the prince among the theives
So you hold me down
Strip away my crown
Can't contain me knowing all the truth i found
Always thinking small
Helping me to fall
Now you're jealousy and hate consumes us all
i don't wanna stay
i'm running away
Don't you hear me when i say

Goodbye
So long
Nice try
i'm gone
You don't like being second
i don't like being wrong
i won't forget the way you made me feel
i won't regret running away from here
You think you see the world
Well you see nothing
Time is only gonna make it worse in the end
So i'll say goodbye again

So hit me with you fears
i don't fit with your ideas
You missed what i'm about
i earned my way out
And in the end
i'll say goodbye again

i won't forget the way you made me feel
i won't regret running away from here

Goodbye..
So long..
Nice try..
i'm gone..

i really am hoping it would not be this way..
But looks like its really becoming real.
Am i really becoming some sort of a dysfunction?

Have to realise its year 2.2 ..

2008-11-27T23:41:00.002+08:00

Things kinda been blurry
Everything's so fast
Time zooms
Imran been asking to jam
But been super busy
i believe its the same for Hafiz

i need to study
i need to wake up
i need to be willing to change
i need to get rid of my laziness
i need to realise that i'm in year 2.2
i need to realise that i'm in A.E option
i need to realise that it was something that i've been fighting for all along this while..how can i ever doubt for a moment about my choice to get here. i'm where i wanted to be and how can i ever complain/rant for a moment about the things i have to go through. It may somehow seem that more effort and sacrifises need to be made to get through this semester..but hey, no pain, no gain. Its where i wanted to be and now that i'm here, its not the end of the road. Its only the beginning. Now that i'm here, its time to carry on the fight. Now i realised what this is all about..and i'm gonna go for it. (=
BUT,MOST importantly..
i need to...
sleep.
Haha.

And maybe if you're reading this,
You can teach me how to sleep.
Yes YOU!
YOU know who you are.
Haha! (=

The outlaw torn has just crazier.

2008-11-10T02:52:00.002+08:00

This outlaw torn..
is making the mind closing up in fear.
As it keeps thinking if the face and heart..
is really becoming sincere.
Waiting for a whole lifetime.
Searching for the light.
Searching for the soul.
Searching for you.
But its seems that time is not there..

If you see me strut, remind me of what's left this outlaw torn...

Everything's changed.

2008-11-08T02:35:00.003+08:00

Different.
Different people.
Different worlds.
Yet, one same place.

Say it out.
Only once.
Or maybe more.
If i'm not the only person,
to ever think about it.

i really feel flattered.
Honestly, i almost had no one or at least a group of people saying all that to me.
i mean, i am very much pleased and welcome..to make friends with anyone.
But being asked/welcomed into something,i'm really lost for words.

i know it may sound funny or even gay of me.
To say that they are somehow my new found friends?
Haha.., its been ages since i've been in a group.
After all, i guess i'm abnormal in terms of personality.

No rules, no boundaries, just basic simple respect for one another.
All anyone could ever ask for.
But in the midst of exploring this new world,
i came to remember an old place where i used to be.

i realised things have changed.
In fact, everything changed.
Not only was i thinking of you.
But you,you,you,you,you,you,you and you as well.

i thought to myself; i hope you are doing fine.
i really wish i could turn back time.
Don't ask me why.
i really wish i could.

Something so perfect, so nice.
Gone in a blink of an eye.
We all had our own ways, own directions.
Yet, i did played my part to make matters worse.

First crack in the wall.
Soon the wall became like a paper.
Torn, and each time it tears, cuts even deeper.
Seems to me that luck wasnt on our side.

Yes, i am an asshole.
Note that i didnt say i was because i know i still am.
But i realized my mistake and tried to be better.
i did came back with a new spirit and determination as i was more willing.

But i guess i was too late.
Too late to at least bring back a decent smile.
Things have gotten pretty bad.
i believe everyone was lost.
You just seemed to lost all confidence and faith in everything.
You just seemed to be here and there, hard to understand.
You just seemed hurt about someone 'backstabbing' you.
You just seemed to be busy and quite lost.
You just seemed to have many many faces over time.
You just seemed to be too nice that people take advantage of it.
You just seemed to be confused as the middle man.
You just seemed to be in your own world.
You just seemed to be really childish at times.
But neither were these, the reasons.
And me?
i just seemed to be so stupid running around and not able to accomplish anything.
i was just too late..maybe this is, the reason.

Everything's changed.
Yes, life is full of changes.
But i really didnt thought that it would change this fast.
And worse, change to all these.

How i really wish i could say sorry.
To you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you and you.
Doesnt matter if i have or have not did anything wrong.
Thing is, i really enjoyed and miss those times together.

We got there together, where we first met.
And it was also here we got to our seperate ways.
Its okay if you think or thought that i never cared at all.
Because i actually care, i really do, alot.

Different.
Different people.
Different worlds.
Yet, one same place.

But i guess its really time to change.
i have to get back to my life, really soon.
Lets just hope everything goes well.
For everyone and everything.

How can i be lost if i got nowhere to go?
Searched the seas of gold, how come it's got so cold?
How can i be lost in remembrance i relive?
And how can i blame you when its me i cant forgive?

i'm outlaw of torn..

Alot of things to do.
"..Trying to get into Aerospace is hard..but being in Aerospace is harder.."
When the hell am i going to get class 3?
Problems here and there,not free not free,busy busy busy.
Soon i hope. Real soon.
i se-fucking-riously want to ride. i miss riding.
i really miss my bike. But when the hell am i going to change frame?
Goddamit..fucking crankset and bbs! Haha
Everything so fucking expensive.
Haha..i'll see what i can do.
And finally..dont ask me about it.
Dont even wish to go there.
Let me remain to be the pathetic me as i am right now.
You are better off with someone else.

The Outlaw Torn

2008-10-29T01:20:00.002+08:00

Metallica - The Outlaw Torn

And now i wait my whole lifetime
For you
And now i wait my whole lifetime
For you

i ride the dirt, i ride the tide
For you
i search the outside, search inside
For..

YOU
To take back what you left me
You know i'll always burn to be
The one who seeks so i may find
And now i wait my whole lifetime

i'm outlaw of torn
i'm outlaw of torn
And i'm torn

So on i wait my whole lifetime
For you
So on i wait my whole lifetime
For you

The more i search, the more my need
For you
The more i bless, the more i bleed
For..

YOU
You make me smash the clock and feel
i'd rather die behind the wheel
Time was never on my side
So on i wait my whole lifetime

i'm outlaw of torn
i'm outlaw of torn
i'm outlaw of torn
And i'm torn

Hear me
If i close my mind in fear, please pry it open
See me
If my face becomes sincere, beware
Hold me
When i start to come undone, stitch me together
Save me
When you see me strut, remind me of what's left this outlaw torn..

Hear me
And if i close my mind in fear, please pry it open
See me
And if my face becomes sincere, beware
Hold me
And when i start to come undone, stitch me together
Save me
And when you see me strut, remind me of what's left this outlaw torn..

That was just your life.

2008-10-18T15:55:00.002+08:00

i blind my eyes and force it all into place
i stitch them up, see not my fall from grace
i blind my eyes, i hardly feel them passing me by
i open just in time to say goodbye

.

2008-09-06T19:37:00.000+08:00

The
day
that
never
comes..

Nothing Special

2008-08-14T22:09:00.003+08:00

Can't tell what's what
Been so long but
It's just like the day before
So near yet so far
Past the point of breaking
Not sure if i'm going to make it
i'll keep this gift from breaking
As long as you believe

So if you believe
Don't be afraid
Maybe God wanted me to be nothing special..

i am nothing special anyway.

Dont worry.

2008-08-02T15:44:00.002+08:00

Mark my words
Please believe my soul lives on
Don't worry that i have gone
Gone beyond..to see the truth

Term Test

2008-06-02T09:51:00.002+08:00

C'est le lundi,duex juin,duex mille huit.
Il est dix heures moins cinq du matin.
Je suis content et fatigué.

Term Test week.
All the best and good luck to all.

Like Hafiz mentioned in his blog,
Things been tough. Studies of course.
Other than that, everything is fine.
The further you go, the harder it gets.
Hopefully i'm able to pull off something.
Subject selection on the 20th.
Smart kids. Tough competition.
Hopefully i'll get in.

Hopefully can jam soon.
Next week or what.
And hopefully i can still drum.
Piece of shitcake.

i am not sure how to explain it.
i know its some kind of a change.
i can feel it.
But it really feels weird.
Strange.
Suspicious.
Unexplained Perspective.
Its like as if you're let into a another dimension.
A whole something new and all for you to explore and understand.
Guess its okay if i'm confused or not sure now.
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything takes time.
And time will tell.
i'll find my way through.

Anyway, i'll like to dedicate this song to anyone who grew up with it when it was hot back then.
Enjoy.

Moving on very far in life.

2008-04-27T04:17:00.002+08:00

Wanted this post to be dated 13/4/2008.
But nvm its okay.

First of all,
Temasek Polytechnic Freshmen Orientation 08/09.
7th-12th April 2008.
6 days of thick and thin shit.
Was a GL for the freshies.
GL for the empire called Phantos.
Winning empire for FOC.
Okay okay..bla3 shit what-the-fuck-ever on that.
Too long to say all that.
One obvious point;
i went home as one happy motherfucker.
(=

When i look at the freshies,
i could only think of one thing.
A year ago,i was just like them.
A year ago,i was in their shoes.
A year ago,it was still very hard to move on.
Present day,i'm finally a GL.
Present day,i now understand the duty and feelings of a GL.
Present day,i didnt even realized how far i've moved on.

It used to be something that i dont wish to move on from.
Not that i refuse,it was just so hard.
But somehow without realising how fast time flies,
Alot of changes happened.
Along with that,i realized like a thousand and one things in/about life.
And thinking about whatever i realized,regret and remorse comes in.
Regret that i didnt APPRECIATE life to the fullest.
But no use feeling remorseful.
Live life with no regrets so that you wont feel bad.
Because anyway..
Everything happens for a reason.
(=

i'm seriously sorry if you guys dont understand a thing what i'm trying to say.
When the date was 13/4/2008,everything was still clear in my mind.
But i was too tired to blog back then..so whatever that i thought of had gone haywire.
When i read at it again,i guess..
Its not for me to understand either,LOL.
And to those who know me well,
You guys know that i wouldnt write full shits here.
Or anywhere.
HAHA.

Okay,i wanted to say out something.
But now lazy to type.

i really hope nxhz will jam real soon.
Like what i've smsed to Imran; "You suck!"
After he told me we wont be free for long.
Cos the thing is,
Zul's flame of semangat has been rekindled or grew stronger.
Heavymetal drumming flame that is.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
FUCK YEAH!
\m/

Okay,random to the max.
G-narly Fai-taosand.
Thats all guys.

i hope you remember me..
because i still do remember you..
in my mind and heart..

Happy (belated) Anniversary!

2008-04-05T19:56:00.004+08:00

Written on 5th of April:
Happy belated anniversary, bros!

Unfortunately, the pace of life has been getting increasingly hectic for me and I never feel comfortable until my work is finished, not including my own revision. I heard getting A's are very difficult for A levels, coz now I'm gonna be pitted against tons of people who are both smart and hardworking. Plus, TPJC doesn't exactly do well in terms of results, so I want to work harder than the average dude to reach my dream-goal of getting at least 4 As (2 H1, 2H1) and a B (H2). I think the 2 As for my H1 subjects are attainable, but I still have a long way to go for my H2s.

But enough about that, I think I owe content that's at least more interesting than my studies, so here goes...

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but my life feels like...it's perfect. I've learnt a lot about myself, and about life. I feel like I've grown, matured, transformed into a much better person than I used to be.

On matters related to us, one of the things I've learnt is how significant knowledge of music is. I tried jamming with people who have no musical background, like those who don't have a sense of timing or are tone-deaf, and I found it quite difficult to get something to be played properly. After that experience, I appreciate the knowledge that I have.

I also realised just how much I'm used to playing along to Zulraihan's drumming and Hafiz' guitar, it feels like something's missing when you play with people without knowledge of music. I think we've got some kind of band chemistry, and I feel satisfied whenever I hang out with you guys. Yesterday was great man.

I was also wondering, maybe u guys could get to know my songfest bandmates, they're the kind that listen and play metal too. Though, I don't think we'd be jamming until after the next exam...

Written on 29 May:
I always thought I'd finish the post above, but I never got to doing it. The reason? I tried to give an update on all the stuff that had surfaced in my mind since the last post, which is pretty stupid of me, actually. I guess I'll just talk about more recent things from now on. Lesson learned.

Anyway, I can feel the pressure of my upcoming A levels, and my tutors say that June is our final chance to catch up. It's in 5 months, which is not very far away from my point of view, and prelims are even sooner.

I just got back this math test on statistics, and I got 22/40. It makes me disappointed knowing that I got this kinda marks primarily due to poor time management. Most of my CG (Civics Group, i.e. a more impressive way of saying class) mates got around 30/40, which shows how hard people have been working, especially compared to last year. The rest of us got around the same marks as me. The feeling sucks, knowing that you're not working at your full potential and I certainly don't want to end up retaking another year.

I've come up with a study plan for the June holidays, which is more of a study-holiday for me. Here are the things I need to accomplish over the hols:

H1
Physics: Revise syllabus
GP: 4 essay outlines, 1 compre

H2
Chem: cover 3 chapters & 1 A-level paper (1 & 2)
Math: cover 4 chapters & 3 JC prelim papers (1 & 2)
Econs: cover 1 textbook, revise 2 textbooks (Macroeconomics)

It will be frustrating, but it is achievable. I also plan to have breaks in between, which kind of motivate me to finish my work within a certain time period. But these breaks are not that long, so they don't include going out. I'll only be going out if I've finished what I've planned and there's time.

Up to here, all I've been talking about so far is my studies, but it kinda reflects my state of mind right now. I've been getting less concerned about other things around me as I figure how much I have yet to do, how the rest move on and how much time is left.

I'm not stressed over studying, but I do realise that it's time I take action, especially since I've been slacking off for the past week or two. A day lost during the holiday will have to be paid with another day in the future, within the holiday period. Time in June is really precious to me, and I'll make sure I get my studies straightened out to my potential this time.

Hope you guys are doing well. I look forward to the last week of June, I think I should be finished with what I've aimed to achieve by then.

All the best guys
Imran

Happy Birthday Imran and to Neonixehertz.

2008-04-05T05:18:00.002+08:00

4th April.
Happy Birthday Imran.
Imran is 18..finally.
Neonixehertz is 3.
On this date,3 years ago..
-first time we jammed and eventually formed a band.
-was the first time i played drums and found out that i could actually play them.
-i found out that hafiz is a good guitarist.
-i found out that imran actually listened to and played metal and totally own in guitar..so much for being a nerd since i got to know him from sec 1,HAH.
-jammed our first song; Fade To Black, for one whole hour.

This is my point of view.
Nt sure if hafiz and imran has theirs.i'm sure they have..
Anyway i just wanna say that although we dont see each other very often,
i really appreciate and treasure our friendship that we had over the years.
And i wont forget all our good moments of music-making.
Rock on bros..
\m/

Went jamming.
Had a great time.
Bla3..

Life's been good.
In fact,very good.
i dont know why or how,but i've learnt alot of things recently.
Alot about life.
Too many to mention and besides,i'm not good at words.
And i hope you all out there are having the time of your life as well.
Only one thing..
Thank you Allah.
(:

Okay thats all.
Happy Birthday Jackass... ,i mean Imran.
Hahaha..from your bandmate,MotherFucker.

Random shit.

2008-03-30T23:14:00.002+08:00

No time.
No money.
How to jam.
Tsk.
i must,MUST,go jamming by this week.
Okay,
will squeeze in some time.
will find money somewhere/somehow.
Hafiz and Imran,
Please find some new songs to learn..
Or if there's any song that you guys want to try out.

Imran got his metalzone-like pedals.
Or is it metalzone?
Haha,good for ya dude.

i had a great dream.
i dreamt of playing Iron Cobra Pedals (DOUBLE BASS..SHITCAKE) which were light as fuck.
i didnt play much but trying out fast double pedals like dragonforce was enough.
i fucking hate swee lee pedals..as heavy as fuck bcz of low-lying mallots.
Like what Imran further explained my physics,
Further distance = More force.Fuck,like that how to play fast,motherfucker.
But its okay,i miss Iron Cobra Pedals..only played once so far..
Good enough.. (:
Speaking of which..
i watched/listened to this dragonforce song on Hadi-Kunji's blog.
Honestly,this is the first dragonforce song that i can actually listen to and enjoy it.
All the previous songs that i tried listening to,within a minute,i'll get a headache bcz of the satanic vox and drums.

But this one..is just my perfect type of metal.
Anyway,thats all.

A vid of the song..a shortened version of the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jgrCKhxE1s

Happy 18th...,dick. Oops,i mean hafiz.

2008-03-22T21:36:00.002+08:00

Happy 18th to Hafiz.
13 more days for Imran.
And the band.

Heard Imran got some new equipment.
Bass and marshall amp?
And he might be getting a pedal as well.

Cool shit ha i guess.
Imran's preparing for his songfest.
All the best dude.
Little bit of a sidetrack..
Last week it was my right knee and after a week of recovering..
Its my left knee now. Aiyah..!!
And now i have trouble double-pedaling.
Aiyah..!!
Actually there's more,haha!
Hopefully i'll heal by the next time we jam.

Okay thats all, so..
Happy birthday to Hafiz.
Happy playing/auditioning and good luck to Imran.
Happy recovering to me.
\m/

Life is ours;we live it our way,motherfucker.

2008-03-19T01:57:00.002+08:00

At first i thought this was the problem.
And then,thought that was the problem instead.
Then this.Then that.
Then this.
Then that.
In the end,i found out its just me.

Now i understand.
Between
Being a better person..
And..
Liking who and what you are..

i guess i think and cared too much about unnecessary stuff.
Thankful that a few are trying to help me by moving on.
There's no such thing as over-appreciate.
i am just able to appreciate things better.
Which is good for me because i used to not appreciate even the most simplest things.
But i found out that as i 'moved on',
i felt totally lost.
i dont feel like i'm myself anymore.
i dont feel good,i feel uncomfortable.
Start to act and behave all different and weird.
But basically on this path,practically,
i'm actually moving towards making life better.
Of course i wish to make my life better but the things i do..
are just AGAINST my VERY FUNDAMENTAL BASIC principles.

In the end,
i realized that staying here is the best option for me.
After all this confusion,
i choose to stay.
i feel much more better here.
i feel good,i feel happy.
i feel like i'm really being myself again.
And it was from HERE that i chose the path of my life.
It was from HERE that i developed my VERY FUNDAMENTAL BASIC principles.
The things to lead a happy simple life.
And anyway,it doesnt hurt anyone..
It does,but to only ONE person.(and i will not mention who)
So yah,although sometimes it sucks being here,
i still feel happiness..
Which also comes when i see others happy.

So yah,
Its not that i dont want to move on.
I guess and see that staying is the best option for me.
This is who i am..this is where i belong.
Only time will tell if things change..
So please,accept me for who i am..like how i accept for who you are.
If you dont,i cant help you and thats a choice i leave it to you.

Finally we jammed.

2008-03-15T02:54:00.002+08:00

First of all,
We would like to thank Allah,
For giving us the time and opportunity to jam after so long.
Imran in the midst of his exam.
Hafiz and me,exams done for and got results..haha.

Imran kinda sketchy(if thats how you spell it) but he still managed to play good.No,play well.
i must say Hafiz still has his mojo on guitars..just that i guess he hasnt been singing alot.
And expected,i suck,at first.Heh.
Took awhile to get used to the drums and after awhile,managed to pull through.
Happy that i still got some of my stuff..along with a couple new things.
Hopefully we can get started on writing songs.
Or at least,just the experience.
Why oh why are we missing a bassist..

It was a great session.
We played..
Fade To Black,Master of Puppets,Creeping Death,Four Horsemen,Enter Sandman,Nothing Else Matters,All The Small Things,First Date,99 red balloons,(this space is to mention all the songs that are not mentioned) and..a few random Slipknot stuff.
But i think the highlight was Nothing Else Matters.
It sounded great man..orgasmic.
That was like the last song we played serious..
After that came the crap,lame,bullshit or whatever stuff that is associated with pointlessness and nonsense..
NxHz. tradition..

Life's good for us.
All the best Imran.
Hafiz,wait for one more week.
To Hafiz's ma'am,Happy 18th birthday.
Hope to jam soon again since we're gonna be all free.
And hopefully and my knee heals/recovers very soon..
Thats all.
\m/

Nothing Else Matters
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Doing things thats almost impossible.

2008-03-08T07:06:00.003+08:00

"..i think i am crazy..
..because i keep doing things that's almost impossible to be done.."

Yes,
i ran across the road just to catch the bus.
i didnt had enough sleep.
My bed and pillows was all that i could think of.
Haha,dammit.

Had a good rest and went riding.
Late night till sunrise.
Too bad i cant carry on with them,got smth else on.
Salah kau sendiri
Even if my father was the owner of Nissan for sg,
Or my family member gonna buy some expensive car,
i wont tell the whole world.
Your riding isnt any better and therefore,
You no need a tip-top bike.
Tgk mcm aku,setup tk kecoh pe.
Think you're trendy?
Not saying you're some fucktup fella,
But because of your lies,you make others think you're a hypocrite and hate you.
Blame yourself for the crappy stories you tell.
Blame yourself for owe-ing people money.
Blame yourself for not carrying out deals with others properly.
Blame yourself for PAITAO-ing.
Bottomeline,blame yourself.
Nevertheless,i once again had one of the best moments in my life.
16 riders,16 bikes,4 spots,endless photo-taking,crappy jokes along with nonsensical behavior.
Ride bmx.

Anyway,
i'm getting sick of all this shit.
i know its hard to do this.
i dont care.
i dont give a damn.
Gonna do something about this.
Its worth a try.
And YOU know that once i start trying,
* **** **** ** ******,like a ************.
So YOU better watch out.
i WILL make sure things get better,at least.
Not for me, but for the rest..
Seeing them happy,is all i want.

Hope that we gonna go jamming soon.
Its been a long time.
i'm starting to appreciate other aspects of music.
And with that,quite often i mix them with metal.
Just like how others have done it.
Most of the time,it turns out to be a masterpiece.
i must say i deproved alot.
i dont know how bad i am right now..
But i just know i am,LOL.

Results coming out soon.
Good luck and all the best everyone.
Thats all for now.
For whom the bell tolls, time marches on..
\m/

"..but apart from that on actual fact,
i know i am crazy.."

Exams' real soon..

2008-02-20T02:49:00.004+08:00

Been some time..
Has it?
Haha..

Main exam's very very soon.
61 hours more to first paper?
Engineering Mathematics 2..
Good luck to everyone.
Cant imagine that i'm actually able to help others in studies.
Well,i hope i did,at least.
Just dont wanna be stingy,i do want to pass and share my knowledge.
Nobody wanna feel what's it like to be the 'less capable' one and when you ask others,
They either give you a response which show that they are lazy to teach or dont even wanna teach.
Will never forget my days in dunman..
And because of that,i dont want any of my friends to feel the same way.
Feeling's can't be described by words.
However,it made me realise something.
YOU are responsible for YOUR own studying.
And along with that,you need to put in effort.
Apparently,i wasnt,LOL.

Has it been sometime..?
Lost in time

Sayang...
Sayang,
Sayang sekali.
Setiap saat yang berlalu,
Setiap hari yang berlalu,
Setap bulan yang berlalu,
Setiap tahun yang berlalu,
Sayang ku pada mu...
Tidak berubah,seperti dulu.
Tapi sayang sekali
Yang tinggal hanya memori
Sudah ku cuba
Untuk melupakan segalanya
Namun,hati ini masih setia.
Tidak aku mengerti mengapa.
Mengapa...?
Langsung ku tidak faham...

Sayang...
Sayang,
Sayang sekali.
Umpama hilang arah
Mana yang betul,mana yang salah.
Walau peristiwa silam,
Ia bagai bayangan semalam.
Hingga saat ini juga
Masih lagi terasa peritnya
Namun,aku cekalkan diri.
Terpaksa,hanya untuk meneruskan hidup ini.
Tetapi masih aku tidak mengerti mengapa?
Mengapa...?
Langsung ku tidak faham...

Sayang...
Sayang,
Sayang sekali.
Walau ditelan waktu
Hati ini tetap tidak menentu
Sering aku bertanya
Apakah benar kata-kata si dia?
...
Aku telan saja luahanmu
Tak periksa lintasanku
Yang berkata kemungkinan kau berdusta
Kau ikut buta perasaan
Biar jiwa ku yang dah kesan
Senyuman ternampak ku permainan
Aku yang dahaga
Dah tak kira akibatnya
...
Bukan aku tidak percaya
Hanya mahu mengerti maksudnya yang nyata
Tapi ianya terselindung
Membuat aku bingung
Masih aku tidak mengerti mengapa.
Mengapa...?
Langsung ku tak faham...

Sayang,
Sayang...
Sayang sekali.
Kini aku mengerti
Aku sedari
Menerima dengan penuh hati
Mengapa jadinya begini
Aku bersyukur kepada Tuhan
Kerana memberi petunjuk
Namun,hati ini masih rindu
Rindu pada mu
Usah kau bertanya
Kerana masih aku tidak mengerti mengapa.
Mengapa...?
Langsung ku tak faham..
Sayang,
Sayang..
Sayang sekali...

Die,die,die my darling

2008-02-15T03:02:00.000+08:00

die. ,
Die! ,
DIE! ,
my Darling.
(=

Valentine's Day? ..fuck it,haha!

2008-02-14T02:29:00.002+08:00

Time will tell..
Don't wanna say much.

Anyway,
NxHz has been very busy.
Imran gone dead silent again,haha.
Hafiz and me..exams starts next friday.
My status: Not yet studied ANYthing.
In addition,i'm lost at some stuff as i don't know what the heck is going on.
Songs' gone hanging again..
Well..we'll find time.

Erm,
Its 14th Feb.
So to all my friends celebrating..
In either a friendly or special way,
Happy Valentine's Day.

That's all the shit for now.
\m/

wtf

2008-02-12T09:43:00.000+08:00

At first,it was a good friend.
Then,it became an enemy.
But after years of doing i have been doing,
It becomes a friend yet still an enemy..
As i slowly run out of.. ... ... ... ... ...
i've always hated it.
But i guess..it will always be a part of me.
This is what YOU wanted anyway.
YOU want to go out there trying to understand others..
But not others trying to understand YOU,YOURself.
Fuck it man.
i don't give a fuck.
i like better that way.

i'm your truth,telling lies.
i'm your reasoned alibis.
i'm inside,open your eyes.
I'M YOU.
Sad But True.

Main Exam's coming..

2008-02-04T03:04:00.000+08:00

Walked home the other day.
No one around,
Just the vehicles on the road.
Half-way through the journey,
i just thought the place looked familiar.
A few changes here and there.
But,there was just something about it.
Suddenly,
i saw these 2 people;
A girl and a guy.
i didn't know where they came from.
Just appeared in my sight.
From their looks,
i can tell they were still young.
They were walking infront of me.
They looked happy.
Smiling and laughing away.
i felt happy for them.
Without realising,
i found myself following them.
After a while,
Seems like they had to part.
The girl smiles to the guy and he smiled back at her.
i can literally see him melting because of her smile.
It was so obvious.
The guy waves to her and she waved back at him.
Then suddenly,
These 2 people started to fade away.
And finally out of my vision.
They were gone.
Just like that..

A drop of water falls from the sky and hits my face.
Looked at the sky,red.
Said to myself that it was going to rain.
And only then i realised..
It was 1:15 am.
3rd February 2008.
I don't know..
If it was scary to have seen what i saw.
A million things running through my mind..

Phantos chalet was great.
Thanks to the guys who organized the event and everyone who went.

Everything is good and i guess thats good,lol.
Exam's coming..blablabla..
i just hope i will study.
And the same for all my tp friends.
Study hard people.
That's all for now.
(=
\m/

Never did the young guy knew..
That he would grow up..
To be the other guy walking behind him.

Getting back up..

2008-01-26T06:27:00.000+08:00

Been some time..
i know life is full of surprises but,
Recently/lately/some time ago/whatever the time is/because i dunno how to say it/so,lolz,
it has been overwhelming i must say.
i've never been this surprised.
Like i blogged abt it before,
i will never forget that piece of advice.
i think thats reason i'm picking myself up again.

Nono, i believe thats the reason.
Thats how i learnt to get back up and what it means.
Thats how i was able to get back up again and again over time on different shits(shits = occasions).
i was here before but guess i forgot a few basic things.

Like what Hadi said..i come to believe that its actually quite true.
There's no such thing as "get over" something sad/bad.
The only thing to do is move on.
Either you move on with a heavy heart OR..
You move on with that something sad/bad not hurting you anymore.
"Get over" sounds like forgetting everything by thinking that it never happened or existed.
Thinking about it again and recalling things that i've heard and seen,
Almost nobody,that i know of,is able to really get over something sad/bad.
So what? i guess its almost impossible.
Its better to move on rather than forget everything that is sad or bad.
After all,sad and bad things/incidents/events are a part and parcel of life.
Exactly,so my point is,although its unpleasant,it serves as a memory to us.
And i do believe that we must treasure and appreciate memories or past events.
Don't always think that whatever that had happened is totally unpleasant.
We need to look at things from a different light..and that is from the positive viewpoint.
Believe that there's a blessing in disguise.
If it doesn't show up now,later it will.
After all..
Things happen for a reason.
Funny to see how i've forgotten my most powerful and important sentence.
But its okay..
Bottomline is,
i'm myself again,with a bit of the old thrown away,and new things learnt in my head. (:
Alhamdulillah..
Alright,done with that.

After almost 2 months not riding,
i rode for 8 hours.
Yesterday night was the night i poured my heart out to my bike.
i love my bike; she totally understands me.
i saw a full moon again.
It was very beautiful..just like her..just like her..
But now both of my arms are as weak as jelly.
Just wait till i wake up from my sleep.
Joint pain to the MAX.

Thats all i guess..and don't forget,
Things happen for a reason.

Time is running out.

2008-01-14T01:08:00.000+08:00

Time is running out.

Never been so angry since..
When was the last time?
Can't remember..must have been ages ago.
That anger management programme(facilitated by the patient himself) has helped him alot.
And he means ALOT.
And because of that too,he can't be angry for long.
But the moment he gets really angry,he won't end up angry at all.
Everything turns into sadness.
He's very sad now.
And he means VERY SAD.
He's not angry at all right now.
Sad,disappointed,worry is what runs through his mind.
He also fears that his optimitism is/might be running out.
He doesnt like and doesnt want to give up.
He cares alot but things don't look good at all..
Becoming from bad to worse and he guess now is worst.
Don't know if he's taking too long to get out of this.
Time is running out..

Need to hand in comprog flowchart in around 12 hours.
Fucking flowchart.
Fucking comprog.
Fucking subject.
Haha..i hope there's time to do this shit although i'm getting sleepy..
Time is running out..

i miss my bike.
Seriously,i fucking miss riding.
Had the thought of going back to my bmx life for some time.
Guess that's the way it should be.
Prefer my old-self.
But i've been damn busy and all..shitfuck dammit.
Will i ever get to ride again like in my younger days?
Time is running out..

Poor Hafiz;has no amps.
Imran has already started studying for As.
Retarded asshole..lols,joking bro.
i suddenly had the feeling of making music again recently.
Had the thought of getting nxhz active again too,maybe.
Busy,different priorities and most of all,no bassist.
Will there be any chance for us to survive?
Time is running out..

Honestly,
i prefer saying out "Fuck" rather than typing it.
But i guess i'm using it just to emphasize on the amount of time that i have.
And this WHOLE SHIT that has befallen upon us..okay,whatever that means.
Fuck,
So many things..
So little time..
And i'm lost.
Physically(Lack of sleep),
Emotionally(okok la..),
Mentally(Yes,this is the fuck).
Time is running out..

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T13:34:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to everyone.
May 2008 be a better year for all.

2007..
i dont know about others.
For me gladly,its a pretty good year.
Started out quite shitty..
Until somewhere March or April.
Poly really changed my life,alot.
i know alot of these changes and stuff will come in/along the way.
But never did i know that it would mean so much and turn out this/that way.
i'm glad that i have made the right choice when i was 12.
And that is to be in Temasek Poly.
i feel good and great being in this school.
With all the things/events,studies at a very nice pace,friends that i've made.
i hope to feel the same way and even better.
i learnt alot of things.
Too many i saw.
Too many i heard.
Too many i thought.
Too many i realized.
Too many to mention.
But it was never too much to be understood.
Because although i've learnt alot,i know there's still alot more to learn.

But what does breathing for almost 18 years mean,
If you cant do anything about it?
i remain patient and quiet..but till how long if there's no difference?
Why are you so fucking hard on yourself,others and things?
i still don't understand..
Wouldnt it be better if we sit down and talk everything out.
Things would end up better.
You people just wont give a moment or chance for me to speak up.
Why? Why the fuck is it that way?
Just because i'm the youngest and all of you think,
That i dont know a single fucking thing?!
There's a malay saying..
"Besar jangan disangka bapak,kecik jangan disangka anak"
Which basically means dont think that adults are always right.
Young people do have brains and able to think.
But i still dont get the chance to prove myself.
i may have been childish and stupid when i was young.
Often bullied anyway.
But fuck la xia,i'm all grown up.
i can fucking think.
Why the fuck are you people still giving me the same treatment and shit?
......................
Hmm..its okay.i'll stay calm and patient.
You people dont even give a thought about how the fuck i feel as a child.
A child who is very determined and has alot of hopes.
Only to find his determination and and hopes shattered.
All you want is your youngsters to understand you.
Its okay..i'm just the tiny voices in this whole thing.
Maybe you all cant even hear them.
Its alright..as long as i'm still alive,
i wont give up. i dont quit that easily.
You have yet to know what i got and made of.
i dont and wont give a fuck about my feelings.
i'll suffer if i have to. Like i said,i wont give up.
Because when i got what i wanted,it shows that you lost.
Only then,can i rest in peace.
You got my word,bitch.

Happy New Year my friends.
\m/

Random shit.

2007-12-29T01:55:00.000+08:00

i fell in love..
with..
180.
(=

\m/

Cat Like Thief

2007-12-24T16:00:00.000+08:00

Gladly,i can smile knowing i have a good and happy life when i look/think abt it..

Box Car Racers - Cat Like Thief

I fell down again but i can't complain
Another false step could drive me insane
All i got myself here to blame so,
I shake off the seat and i start again
Oh no, i said i wanna go back
But i can't win this shit and i gotta stay on track
Yeah, make a deal like that
I keep my head up but i never react

I wrote it down; a list a month ago
16 chapters of one thing you've blown
The best thing yet to help you through and through
That she was i felt her more than you

Don't leave her..don't leave her..

I get up just to get knocked back down
I sit up just to get knocked all around
I wanna say something but you're out of town
I don't wanna have another short down
I say "Stand up hey,yo! Let's make it clear"
Follow you home, no, you were not there
You saw him coming, jump, you disappear
Home alone every night seems so clear
You think you see me here all along
Got my crew coming now
One by one
Two by two
Three by three
Four by four
Lets do some more

Call me back with words that now she's gone
Cat like thief she stole air from my lungs
Leave me standing on this lonely grave
I dug it out in case she turns away

Don't leave her..don't leave her..
Don't leave her..don't leave her..

Hmm..
Too bad she was the one who left you.
You blew your chance.
i got nothing to say.
i'm just happy with my life now.
(=

Anyway,i still have not been getting enough sleep after OTC and its almost a week already.
Projects and assigments..oh dear so lazy to do.
i hope i'll do all of it soon..
Thing left to do when you become too lazy to do anything,
Is to force yourself to do it.
Outings and outings coming up..wth.
First with phantos..then Y25.
School gonna start soon..a pathetic half day on 31st Dec,lol.

Y25 outing!
i know all of us are very busy.
And sorry for the times we held outings which almost no one came.
On behalf of your other 2 PLs,we're really sorry.
Yeah,but we don't see you guys as our rawkers anymore.
You guys are our friends,really.
So do help us out to make this next outing a success.
i don't care,i'm gonna set a day where everybody is free.
And i'm gonna drag everyone.
You guys wouldn't wanna see me go pekcek like how i did during tprawks when the 3 idiots disappeared right?
(x

Anyway,thats all.
\m/

Roy is such a motherfucker.

2007-12-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

Alamak..
Bloody motherfucker ar you..
Fucking hell,buat org stress.
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
MotherFUCKER.
MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER.

Figure out yourself wth is that if you really want to know.
Now YOU tell me.
Are YOU proud of yourself right now?

Hari Raya Haji/OTC 2007

2007-12-21T08:41:00.000+08:00

First of all,
Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all muslims.
Advanced merry xmas to all christians and those celebrating it.
Advanced happy new year to everyone.

OTC 07.
17-19 Dec.
Of course,alot happened.
Too many to mention.
Basically,learnt few new stuff.
Be it about life,people in general,stupid stuff and profanities,lols.
But all comes down to 2 things;Good and Bad.
Lets not say all those shit here huh?
Was in Phantos Empire and we got 1st.
Unexpected to the max due to some reasons.
And i'm sure that all of us will be good GLs when FOW/FOC comes.
And that goes for everyone.

Very glad to say that i was able to prevent myself from my saying my favourite 'M' (nono..not MSB) word for all the 3 days of the camp.However after the camp,we were all talking crap and congratulations to Haziq,for being the first one after 3 days to get the 'M' word from me.Haha..MSB.

Anyway,it feels so much better. (=
But i dunno,
Mengapa kau seperti sudah berubah..
Aku mengerti kau sedang mengejar impian mu..
Tetapi janganlah kau lupa diri..
Hendak saja aku katakan..
Diri ini amat merindui diri mu yang sebenarnya..
But again,
Siapalah aku untuk mengata sana sini itu ini..
Aku harap kau bahagia selalu.
Thats important..
Thats all.
\m/

2007-12-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

Its not my fault its like this.
Well,maybe it is.It has always been my fault isn't it?
It gives you one strong and exact reason to call me 'Pathetic'.
Like i said a thousand times before,it doesn't matter at all.
Because i'm stupid that's why.
Maybe you might even be saying to yourself "Who the FUCK is he?"
At times,i realized that i may be trying too hard to please others around me.
Why don't i just be myself? Why give a fuck if they don't like who you really are?
They either have 2 choices then.Accept the fact i'm like that or hate me.
Like i said a thousand times before,there's no use in me being nice.
However thinking about it again,it was my intention all along to be a better person.
Makes me wonder if characteristic,attitude and personality REALLY matters.
Of course i know and believe it does.
But they are not acting that way when it ALL comes out from their mouth in the first place.
Nothing surprising..
Like i said a thousand times before,whatever that makes you happy.
Not being pessimistic but..
IF only you knew the reason..
The reason why i took this path..
The path that really opens up your mind..
The mind to think and understand..
The understanding that opens up your eyes..
The eyes that lets you see to make your choices..
The choices that will either give you joy and peace or a living hell in/to your heart..
The heart to feel and live as a human..
Wait,i don't even have feelings.Like i said a thousand times before,i'm heartless.
Nevertheless,life has to go on.
Don't worry about me,i'm fine all along and happy always.
But again,IF only you knew..
IF only..

BUT,
That was 1679 days and every day of it ago.
Today,i made my decision.
Whatever that choice is,NEVER will i look back.
Because life's simple;you make choices and you don't look back.
Thats how you live without or with the least regrets.
And be confident of yourself.
So what you waiting for?
Here we go!
(=

Fade To Black

2007-12-02T12:46:00.000+08:00

Life,it seems to fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters,no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost;this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me,but now he's gone

No one but me,can save myself but its too late
Now I can think,think why I should even try?

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm,now I will just say goodbye.
Goodbye...

Untitled

2007-11-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

"Go learn style your hair.."
Haha.Thanks emilla/sis.
But you know me;i dont really care about how i look. i have my reasons..
And like i said countless times, i'm ugly..i know.lols.
But again,that dont matter to me.
Personality and character-wise,that matters ALOT to me.
Frankly,theres no reason for me to dress up or look nice.

Its been some time.
i dont know,is it long ago?Its like nothing to me.
Because it seems like as if theres no difference.
Alot has happened since then..
i believe that was the last time.
Whatever.Like i said,there's no difference isnt it.
i'm beginning to realise that,
It actually has taken it's shit on me.
But trust me,its so far behind that its lost already.
i didnt bother to care..i did.But in the end..its nothing.
Thing is,because of it,i..i dont know.
Because of it,alot has changed.
Because of it,everything's left hanging;unanswered.
Because of it,theres fear,uncertainty and shit everywhere.
It just somehow carry on as memory..
When its not suppose to.
i have no reason AT ALL to tell whether is it good or bad.
i hope i have made you smile or laugh at least ONCE.
And i hope you're smiling and laughing for your happy life now.
Not that i am not happy with my life.
In fact,i am.i just want to be thankful to Allah.
But i dont know if this is a curse/"curse" or whatsoever..
Only Allah knows..and i pray to Him for life to better for others..
And myself.

Anyway,i just realized that term test is the week after next.
Thakloy,Pab-Butz,Pokay-Wak,Wafadakas..
i've been missing alot.What the hell of an attitude i'm having..
i shall change starting today,right now.
On time for lessons and study since test is coming.
Not forgetting to be attentive in class instead of being in lalaland and snoozing on Earth.
(=

Its really testing me.
Going nuts,crazy and insane.
Best way to describe: 100% optimism pulled down by 99% negativity.
Its okay.
"..you just have to believe in yourself.."
i will never forget those words.
Thank you,beloved sec 2 form teacher.Haha!
(=

LASTLY,
i'm in love with Iron Maiden's Hallowed Be Thy Name.
And Cradle of Filth's cover of the song.
If only i can scream like that.. \m/
Too bad,i'm on the drums and not vox.
(=

In general,everything's falling apart.

2007-11-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

First of all,
i would like to thank Allah/God.
For giving me this ability to see and think.

Alright,straight to the point.
About 6-7 months ago,
i saw this 'whole thing' already.
i am sad that its actually the fact and reality..
Although we were taught and known to be,
'One big family'.
Tried to make a difference.
But i forgot that there's too many people to please.
And you just cant change the way someone think.
i heeded my brother's advice.
At first,i was sad because i felt left out,
Just because of the advice,
Seeing my friends so happy.
But i do feel VERY happy for them.
Seeing things at that point of time,
i just have a feeling its gonna happen.
Nevertheless,i continued hoping that things would get better.
For everyone of course.
However,as time goes on..
It happened,damn.
Things became more obvious i guess.
More and more people are realising and experiencing it first hand.
Just makes it worse.
i really never wanted this to happen.
Who the hell wants it?
Now people see what i saw.
From my point of view,i never wanted anyone to see it.
Because the truth sucks.
But now,i REALLY dont regret heeding my brother's advice.
These people,who are in 'IT',dont like to be helped.
But their job is to help others.What the hell.
So now it becomes "job".
Irony is,they are ones who somehow caused it.
Maybe its because they are up there..
And we're just the 'normal/lower-class' idiots.
And now,
i have a very bad feeling that things are gonna get ugly for everyone.
i really hope it doesnt happen.
Because if it does,
Bottomline:
World War 3.
LOL.
We'll see what happens.
But i wont just sit and do nothing.
i will not give up and keep trying to make things better.
i just believe this is all crap.
There is a way out..there is.

i'm a super very straightforward person.
i dont say certain thingsso as not to hurt others'.
But if you think i'm being lame,
i'll just shoot you with whatever i have to say in your face.
Simple.

FUCKING HELL!!

2007-11-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

Nothing to say.
Just this for the moment.

FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright.
VERY Much better.
(Fucking hell is on behalf of ppl who were pissed/emo,and me myself,nt for being pissed.For some fucking hell re..aiyah whathefuckever.Hope you guys are feeling better.It was great time lepaking the other night and everyone just losing it.
Hadi/Nephew - Chill bro.No point of being so angry over that.Trust me.
Emilla/Sis - Erm..chill alright.Dont wish to say much cos i might piss you off.
Jamil - Another one..chill.Get well soon.
Haziq - You SUCK at cs!Haha no la jk..Thanks for playing in the end.
Roy - Sry we didnt accompany you to your bus stop,beaver.
And i really like my name in CS the other night.You guys would agree right?HAHA.
)

TPRawks.

2007-11-17T08:59:00.000+08:00

TPRawks 2007.
14-16 Nov.

It has been a great pleasure to serve and lead.
Great experience of being a PL,especially when you're the pioneer badge of rawkers.
i can only imagine and remember being in their shoes when i look at the rawkers.
TPRawks 2007 was definitely better than last year's.
From the food,activities,jam and hop..everything.
This year's rawkers are a bunch of really lucky people.
Most of the things went well i guess.
i dont know how i did.
Maybe good,maybe bad.
i gave out all i got i guess.
So yea,no regrets and i'm glad i did my best for the 3 days.
Thinking about it again,
Its really okay if i dont get into OTC.
Give in to others you know.
Somehow it just doesnt matter to me anymore like how it used to.
If you really want a place in OTC,ya go get it then.
And i guess there's other people who really deserve to be in OTC.
But anyway,kudos to everyone who made TPRawks 2007 possible and..
i shall say it proudly..a success.
Yeap,everyone..Upper management,SU,CLs,PLs and most importantly,
The Rawkers themselves.
(=

Happy,but really feeling like an idiot now.

3 months comeback.

2007-11-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

Finally after 3 months..
Nxhz. ,stepped into the studio;
to play some shit.
And i swear to God,
We SUCK. [actually i only wanted to say i suck.but imran would say he sucked too and so does hafiz.so yea,its a 'we']

Imran had his finger cut by the strings and his hand got tired faster as it has been a very long time since he played some fast rifts.
Hafiz still has his touch but of course,speed went down.
But these 2 have always been good.
Me?i thought air-drumming could cover me up but..i was wrong.
Here's what happened:
-i forgot how to play a few songs
-the sticks keep slipping off my hand [didnt i told ya i do not know how to hold sticks?]
-speed went down
-my right feet is bruised [stupid uncle adjust the mallot so low.and its those plastic CHUNK mallot thats used by proffesionals.so yea,i had that constantly hitting my feet.Hafiz had a taste of it,haha]

It really felt good to jam.
Both physically and..emotionally.
For all the 3 of us. xD
i really really hope we can somehow return to our usual form.

Anyway,
Happy Deepavali too all indians.

i'm starting to like being a part-time sociologist.
LOL.

Mental Dysfunction.

2007-11-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

The art of Mental Dysfunction.

Fuck.

2007-10-28T03:32:00.000+08:00

Okay to be honest,
i removed a post here.
Because [do i look like i'm gonna say?].

Let everyone think i'm a bad fella.i bad what.i've always been bad.everything i do is bad.a bad motherfucking loser after all..

Anyway
My ear is/was bleeding.
Cool i guess?

Until next time.

School start already xia..

2007-10-23T11:03:00.000+08:00

The new semester has begun.

What the hell..school start already xia.
Let the good times of schooling role again..the crazyness,lazyness and stupidity of engineering students.Timetable's kinda crappy but ok la i guess.Just need some time to adapt to it..no use complaining and i'm not someone who complains like bla bla bla yak yak yak yada yada yada yabedi yabedi yahoo.Got sociology for cds.Dont know what the hell is that but sounds cool.At least i got a few friends and contacts in the same cds..can share and exchange notes.

Checked out some drum sticks yesterday.The ones that i wanted to get were gone. *$@#&* .Its alright..apart from not knowing how to even hold the sticks properly,found out that i cant even pull off some very very basic stuff.3 months of not jamming.i really hope i can play when we start jamming again.Sad but true.Haha,lol,lmao,rofl.

i dont know why i actually did it.dont ask me please.i know that i'm dumb but after all that,i realised how dumb i can actually be.But its okay..seriously,its alright.Because i know the reason why.Any you know why?Cos i wanted to make you and everybody else happy.Now you know it right?But whats the point?It was and have never been a big deal anyway.People asked why am i still doing it when you guys were just giving me shit-kind-of-treament.You wanna know why?Because i dont care.i dont give a damn.Give me all the shit-treament you want.i wont do the same unless i wanted to.Must a bad deed be repaid with a bad deed as well?That will just worsen things isnt it.And anyway i guess you never regarded me as a person.Its okay,you're not the first one to do it anyway.its okay if i suffer just to see others happy.let me tell you what.i'm willing to do so.i'm willing to make others happy although if it means i'm gonna live my life like an idiot.Its better to just have ONE idiot to be sad and ALL the others happy than ALL the others sad and only ONE idiot happy.Sorry,i'm not selfish as that.If nobody is gonna lose,i'll give in.But i guess even you yourself can see that sometimes when i try to be nice all i get back is much more worse.i dont blame anyone.not even Allah,no way.Like i said,must bad deeds be repaid with bad ones as well?If you think i'm being pessimistic,you're wrong again.i may be an idiot but i do have self-esteem and i know what i'm doing.If i dont,i would have been an idiot who is much worse although i do sometimes think why am i still being nice.Why didnt i just go crazy and treat anybody in any way that i want.Why didnt i turn into a bad fella.Maybe its because i've been too bad when i was much younger.And instead i just remained to be nice.Why?Because of this thing called patience.i dont wanna show it and do not have any intention of showing how much patience i have in me.You cant even hold on for a month..or weeks or even a day.I held on for years my friend..years.i realised that this shit has affected me alot in many ways.It has made me into somekinda idiot that i dont like.Over the years,i've been trying to make myself a better person but almost all that i've seen and been living in is just betrayal,disloyalty and dishonesty.And guess what,it all leads down to this important thing called trust.i guess thats why i find it hard to trust people of the same kind as you.You wouldnt want to know how it feels like to keep telling yourself to stay positive while almost everything in your life is just pulling you down the hole of doom.Its like a matter of life and death.i've been there but not anymore.Because i learnt one very important thing when it comes to you.Its no point regretting what happened especially when it isnt your fault.Do whatever you want.Make your decision and dont ever look back.That way,you'll live life better.And just to let you know,that positive-person in me will never die.Because i am him.It takes much more than you think to bring me down.i didnt want to write all the crap but i just thought that people like you maybe need to know more about simple things in life like this.

Anyway,i just bathed my nephew.Haha.Never knew that bathing a baby/toddler was so much fun.What a naughty fella..and with me who loves playing with water..lol.Luckily the toilet didnt get flooded.
LOL.

Selamat Hari Raya

2007-10-16T10:16:00.000+08:00

Hey yo.
First of all,
Selamat Hari Raya to all muslims out there.

I finally got my undisturbed,no dream,no nightmare,no whatsoever,comfortable long night sleep.On the verge of falling sick though.I will TRY to take care of myself.(Note that its a TRY there not DO.So yeah,there's a difference.I may do it half-heartedly or even not at all.Haha!I'm saying this out specially for you sis,LOL.)

To Claudine and Matthew, so sorry i didnt talk alot.My eyes were killing me.All i could think of all the time was if i could even make my way home.See children,this is what happens when you have excessive usage of your eyes.So please,rest your eyes by looking at a distance objects for 5 mins after 45 mins to 1 hour of using the computer or you'll be myopic like me.But actually i became one because of playing cs too much in my primary school days,LOL.i think the problem with me i think i will get bored the next minute.So due to that,i'll be infront of this laptop which i am sick of it already for hours and after i'm done,i'll watch tv because i will always think that the night is still young.Another problem over there.When i finally go to sleep,its only for 4-5 hours.Again,another problem there.And it went for days.So yea kids,take that as a lesson.I'm a bad example,as always.And sry for losing my temper for a moment.. ): .Oh wells.

Anyway,Nxhz's sad but true.Now and soon.Haha,hopefully yea guys? Honestly,i turned into a quiet fella after not jamming for a long time.Haha,just reminds me of all the crazy and stupid stuff we do during jamming.Well not that i need jamming to make me noisy,maybe i have downgrade alot in a few aspects of me.Whatever that means,its like i've always been the siao ting tong idiot in the grp,making noise,doing stupid stuff,cracking jokes or whatsoever.Maybe now i'm much older i would wanna make way for other people to take up that 'job'.LOL..and maybe its also because i just wanna take care of my tongue so as not to say anything that will hurt anyone.But on second thoughts......................i'm kinda sick of being quiet.Haha,so i guess i'll become crazily lively again.Soon soon..insyaallah (:

Until it sleeps.

2007-09-30T17:40:00.000+08:00

Where do i take this pain of mine
I run but it stays right by my side

So tear me open,pour me out
These things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me,until it sleeps

Just like the curse,just like the stray
You feed it once,now it stays..now it stays

So tear me open but beware
These things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me,until i'm clean

It grips you,so hold me.
It stains you,so hold me.
It hates you,so hold me.
It holds you,so hold me,
Until it sleeps

So tell me why you've chosen me
Don't want your grip,don't want your greed..i don't want it

I'll tear me open,make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me,until it sleeps

It grips you,so hold me.
It stains you,so hold me.
It hate you,so hold me.
It holds you,holds you,holds you..
Until it sleeps..until it sleeps.

So tear me open but beware
These things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me,till i'm clean
I'll tear me open,make you gone
No longer will you hurt anyone
And the hate still shakes me
So hold me,until it sleeps..

Until it sleeps.
\m/

Fasting month xia.

2007-09-14T04:20:00.000+08:00

Alo.
Well first of all.
i would like to wish all my muslim friends,
Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa.
(And selamat berbuka which takes effect everyday for the 30 days of fasting,HAH.bababa.)

Anyway,results were out 2 days ago.
I dunno how hafiz did cos i havent asked him.
When he's actually my coursemate.
And there's no point to talk abt mine anyway.
So yeah.
Congrats to those who did well.Keep up the good work.
And to those who feels disappointed or heartbroken,its alright.There's still next semester and i'm sure you guys can do well.Do feel lucky that you're permitted to next sem.

To Nadiah-biol-gila-buang-tebiat-nak-mampus,
Translation:Nadiah-siao-crazy-throw-mad-want-to-die. (bababa.)
Why? Jealous is it? JC STILL GOT EXAMS IS IT?!?!?!?!
AWW SO POOR THING.GO AND MUG LA DEY.
I'm having my holidays and already gotten my results.See la,who ask you go jc.
I'm not saying jc is stupid (actually it is la,c'mon lets be straight especially when it comes to YOU) but you should have known if you can cope with it or not.Aiyah nvm la you girl mah.Waste one year oso okay mah..tak payah NS perrRR..
Dont come to me and start complaining abt jc-life,again.Bababa.
Thats the danger of coming to this stupid blog and start commenting stupidly on stupid stuff.You'll get super stupid irritating reply as well.And thats when i'll say..BABABA.

Haiya Imran..
What la.
Babi la you.
You playing in jc is it?
Hahaha,sry dude.I jz need to say that.Frustrated i guess.Its been monthS.
Never thought nxhz. would go through "hibernation-mode" again. (Thats cos of O's)
Nvm2..studies is more important.
But if you say that your promos ends on 12 oct,then i really feel sorry for you.
Next day is hari raya.Tsk3...

Before i end to have my sahur,
i think this would be useful to some of you guys.
Dedicated to those who called the HELP-QUACK hotline.
i suddenly thought of this when i was riding.
This is what riding can partly do to me,
Think of crazy things.

Sometimes when you're feeling low,its alright.
It just shows that you're a normal human being.
No matter how strong someone is,
They will fall once a in a while.
Is a matter how you pick yourself up and how well you deal with it.
If you're feeling down,dont think about how far you still need to go in life.
Think about how far you've went.That is where you'll realise who you are.
All the things that you experienced to get through all that pain.
Sometimes when you just feel like as if you're not yourself again,
Thats not true.You are still who you were and the feeling that you get is just something new.
That is what you call a change.
Sometimes you dont like them but sooner or later you will have to accept it as a part of you yourself.
May be frustrating at first but always regard "change" as changes for the better.
Why must we always view things that we dont like in a negative way?
Try and view it in a positive manner in such a way that it actually benefits us.
That way,whatever comes,you'll learn to only take everything that is good abt it.
Life is only once.Be happy all the time while you can.
For life is not a destination.It is a journey.
Do not fear death.Be afraid of the unlived life.

Alright thats it.
\m/

I was never in your mind..was i?

LOL

2007-09-05T02:49:00.000+08:00

Was just going through my lappy to clear any unnecessary stuff.
Here's what I found.LOL.
Thought it would be nice to share, ...only after i made it nicer.

Back from exams.

2007-09-02T04:38:00.000+08:00

"Standing at the margin's edge; see where the day break ends.
You can find compassion here but the page turns too fast..
We fell in this hole that opened up,
Giving up on hopes,
Living without love.."

Hey.Exams' over. (A few days ago for afiz and me that is,haqiim still has 4-5 weeks to promos.)
Enjoyed study week alot.Pretty much playing/joking around most of the time when i'm "studying".
Hanged out with friends, had a great time studying togther or either joking around or teasing them.
I wish all the best for all my tp contacts for their results.In the meantime,enjoy now.Haha.
Ride just now,forgot what time i came back but its sure damn nice to go out riding at night and going home back late at night/early in the morning, just like the old times.
Looking at things now,i can predict that neon is gonna jam like..after hari raya? Unless hopefully i have time myself and Mr.Imran is willing to spare some time.Same goes for afiz..nt being sarcastic here but..(DAH ADE MATAIR MAH..LOL).
Anyway,went back to dunman last friday.Found out that all graduating classes are now air-conditioned.Dunman is pampering the kids too much.So much for saying the school has one of the highest electricity bills.We werent allowed to go upstairs but who gives a damn or F about it.Went to our old classroom to see the leftovers of our class deco and a picture of a SUPER DAMN HANDSOME FELLA at the front wall.This is how the notice board used to look like..

This is what happens when the class notice board becomes unused.Some of the guys and myself started drawing and walla,the board became a piece of art.The heart and stingray tail was a tribute to the late Steve Irwin. R.i.p dude. "Waktu Berbuka" was written there during the fasting month,lols.It means time of break-fast.But my favourite is still the most emo sentence on the board.As seen from the picture,its at the top written in pink.i wrote that because on one particular day,i'm saw almost the whole class so gloomy and sad because they were all stressed up with work and preparation for the Os.So i went up there and wrote that which is Metallica's chorus from the song "One".i thought it would be something to ponder upon when they look at it,either in a good or bad way,depends on whether they're emo-ing in a happy or sad mood.And of course,some thought i needed help/treatment for writing that.LOL.Okay,enough with that.

Alot of things happened. (Not alot on the outside)
Lots of ups and downs. (Sometimes its just neutral)
Sometimes,i dont know. (i really dont)
I thank Allah for all theses but (i really do)
Dont know whether its good or bad. (i think its both)
I guess everything's good and fine if you know how to use it in the best possible way. (Yep)
But sometimes it just goes too far. (sometimes too far,that its hard to go back)
This unexplained perspective.
This unnamed feeling.
Makes me feel good but may drive me mad as well. (very)
Everytime i give excuses to myself. (not alot la)
Everyone in this world wants happiness and wants to be happy. (who doesnt?)
But like it or not,there's more sad than happy in life.But i strongly believe if we appreciate and treasure the happy times,we feel we're happy more than sad in our lives. (i do strongly believe)
But if all wants to be happy,who's gonna get all the sad. (yep,who?)
There must be someone or some people and maybe i'm one of them. (wtheck am i thinking)
It is crazy but..
i feel happy when i see others happy as well. (yup,i really do.that is why i always want to make others happy.its in my blood somehow)
Maybe this IS part of being a teenager. (getting to know yourself better)
Honestly,i'm nt ashamed to say all these cos its a like normal stuff for someone who's young to go through all this.Finding your identity and all that stuff,so yeah.To those of you guys who are still struggling to get through,hand in there.You'll find yourself. (=
Or if you need help just call this help-hotline at 1900-HELP-QUACK.
And now i know who i am. (a retarded freak,a crazy sicko and whatever that associates with crazy)
CHAH! (okay,now i really dunno what i'm talking about)

Anyway,
This is getting too long xia.
See,i talk alot of crap.
Oh yea,before i forget.
I MISS DOUBLE PEDALLING.
Okay,bye!

The blog's gonna be dead for awhile.

2007-07-31T02:22:00.000+08:00

Hello.
This blog/place/space or whatever-shit-you-call-this-thing is gonna be dead for awhile.
That's because Tp's exams are coming in around 3 weeks.
And Imran's exam are in september if im not mistaken.
Which also means sad to say we wont be jamming for 2 months and its already almost a month since we last jammed.Make that 3 months then.
I realise things are getting shitty for us..Cant blame it though.
We got our own everyday lives..
So much for the missing bassist..
Will we ever play in a gig?
Not forgetting our rusty-and-almost-gone skills.
Okay thats all.

Scratched my ass!

2007-07-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

Hey..yo.
I think I'm not having enough sleep.
Tired,sleepy..and sneezing like an idiot.
Ride yesterday.
Bedok skatepark [I don't know how to ride park.So how?Play anyhow la..] first.
Then to padang,that memorial thingy. Reached there just before midnight and rode for awhile before slacking.
We tuned in to Ria's pathetic 'Misteri Jam 12' from the truck with the pathetic Dj who already sounded super freaked out. Found a few chairs and we had our own "rewang" there while waiting for my bro who said he would join at 12+.In the end he came at 3+.While waiting,i got tired and sleepy thanks to my running nose.Laid down and poof,blackened.So there i was,sleeping on the floor along with giant who was snoring to the max.Haha.Woke up around half an hr later with my nose better and the radio off but they guys having their own ghost-story-telling session.Cycled around to wake myself up and started to get bored,so i tried doing some stuff.Was trying to do a far+high 180,slipped,too sleepy to bail,didnt let go of the bike,fell and.....had my pants torn and my ass scratched thanks to that long shaft which I haven't cut in 3 years.Yup,a nice hole there.
Honestly i have to admit,i thanked god it didnt stick up my rectum or else i wont be able to pangsai for a month as what happened to my friend.Hah!
Moments after i got up and all,my bro finally came and we rode around to entertain ourselves with some stupid stuff.The sky was already having lightnings and somewhere around 4,the first drop came down.We were like "Damn..load up!". Too bad it got heavier when we were loading up but didnt get that wet.Went to 7-11 and did some sight-seeing of girls at *LOL* before heading home.
And...I'm still sneezing.
Thats all.
Hope to jam soon.

Super short shit for no reason

2007-07-17T17:27:00.000+08:00

So let it be written
So let it be done
I'm sent here by the chosen one
So let it be written
So let it be done
To kill the first born pharoah son
I'm Creeping Death.

Bored la dey.

2007-07-15T04:51:00.000+08:00

Dear Dear,

Hope you're doing fine.Honestly,I miss you.Although we just talked the other day (when was that;yesterday?thousand years ago?),I miss you already.Yeap,pathetic,I know.But thats me;pathetic.Not to mention how pathetic I am,all I do is just bottle up.What's the point if I say it out anyway.It doesn't make any goddamn difference.It seriously really don't.Why?Because I suck thats why.But this feeling/feelings' has driven and still driving me nuts.Wait,what is feelings anyway?I don't have any cos I'm such a heartless idiot.I'm so sorry for all the bad and not-good times.Times where I made a mess of you and your life.I'm still trying to be a better person (when did I ever start?) but is there any change?I don't know..seems like not.There's too many bad things about me.Thinking about it again,why did I change/want to change?What was it for?Was it for you?Was it for myself?Cos it seems like its pointless in me trying to be nice.Once people know you for being someone who's bad,they're gonna see you that way till the day they die.From my eyes and those who experienced this kinda thing before,we wonder why wouldn't they open their eyes for at least a moment to think and actually see the good side of someone who tries/tried to change for the better?Aren't they the ones who called us bad in the first place?Means that they must be good but it makes us wonder,are they really THAT good after all? It really test your patience and honestly,it makes you super damn f*cking sad that you're trying to do something good and other people just come in your way,shatters almost every hope that you have.It makes me sad makes me think and think and think and think too many times whether is there any good of me being a better person.It really puts you through a hell where you're stuck in between anger,sadness and patience.But I'm not asking people to really go find out about me or see how good or "good" I am.No,I'm not an attention seeker or a self-proclaimed idiot.If you want to know someone better,thats really up to you to go and do it or not.But still,thats how I learned to control my anger and become someone who is patient.From a time where someone heats me up,I'll be throwing stuff to them or hearing those @*%$&)#^%!) words coming out from my mouth..to where I'll do my very best to ignore them and tell myself deep inside that I must be patient..to now,where I can totally ignore and even push that anger aside.Sometimes I do still say out those @*%$&)#^%!) words and go crazy but trust me,thats nothing.For me,its just for fun..because there are other much more bigger things in my life that I can be angry with but am helpless in almost each and every one of them.I regret and am so sorry for treating you like a piece of crap.If you think why am I being so pathetic,thats the question I'll ask myself too.I don't know.I just am maybe..I know you're not interested in me but I'm like a stupid idiot hoping and hoping.Shiok sendiri la senang kata.I'm just so stupid..Why do I even have such feelings when its hard for me to have a special someone..I just have these problems which aren't small and they're part of the reasons why I can't or hard to have a special someone in my life.I just don't want to trouble you with my problems.No matter how hard I try to solve them,the outcome is trying to tell me that they can't be solved and have no way out.Each time I try to be optimistic,either something bad or really bad comes in my way and indirectly tells me thats there's no point of me doing all that.All I want to do is just to make things and life better for others,everyone else and finally myself.I feel happy when I see others happy.I feel good and at peace when I help someone.It makes me feel like I'm being myself.That is why I want to see you happy.It makes me happy as well.But isn't it stupid that I'm able to help others but having so much trouble just to help myself?Pathetic isn't it?One of the reasons why I am pathetic.Apart from that,we too have our differences and I guess its alot.I can't make you happy anyway.You have your own ways..I have mine.I hope you understand me now dear.I appreciate it alot if you do.Whatever it is,thank you very much for being my friend.I just want you to know that..
If you need someone to talk to,I'll spare some time just to talk.
If you need someone who cares for you,just to let you know;I care for you,alot.
If you need someone to share your happiness with,I'm there to see you jump in joy.
If you need any help for your problems,I'm willing to listen and hear you out.
If you need a shoulder to cry on,mine is yours for you.
If you need a friend or someone,I'm here and will be there for you.
Thats all I can say..
There's nothing more that I can offer except this pathetic heart of mine. (oh wait,i'm heartless in the first place)
That's it dear.
Nothing else to say..

Just an update.

2007-07-06T20:02:00.000+08:00

Metallica - One

I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible of silence stops me
Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up but I cannot see
That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God,help me..

Back in the womb is much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But can't look forward to reveal
Look to the time when I'll live
Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that made me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God,help me..

Now the world is gone, I'm just one
Oh God help me, Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me..

Darkness
Imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine
Has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me life with hell

~

Went jamming today.
Long time no jam.
Out of nowhere,I was able to play One (Yes this song above).
All along, I wasn't able to play the song because.. (those knows/heard this song,you'll know why (x )
For years, (even before i started jamming) I've always wanted to play it.
So we tried the whole song for the first time.
Went great really. Nice one bros.
For such a hard and long song. Afiz ripped the riffs well and good (dont give up on the vocals bro,seriously your vox is nice),Imrant with a good attempt on the wicked solo,and me and my F-ed up part..A 7:25 min oldschool shit.
So.. yeah,just try to imagine how happy I am.
(=
I CAN PLAY ONE LA XIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH!!! \mm/ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just hope I don't lose it.. -.-"
Other than that...
I think my mp3 is a Transformer.
It keeps turning on by itself.
Even after I switched it off.
Trying to communicate with me?
Dah,I don't know what else to say.
Oh yes,Claudine!
I'm am SO sorry... ><
Hope ya not disappointed or something..
Hmm,tell u wad.
To make up for it,I'll say:
Claudine,ni hen ke ai.
LOL!
( Torres won't kill me right? )
Hah,enough with the crap.I'm done.
Here's some pics.

Afiz. [Ciggies yaw..]
Mr Imrant. [His favourite expression for the camera]
In green = Khai. [Thanks for helping out on the bass,Khai]

Err,I don't know who's this spastic idiot.

Super short post.

2007-07-01T08:06:00.000+08:00

Yo!
This is going to be a super short post.
Just typing here cos I'm bored and just got home.
From where? No need ask..wahahahahahahahahaha. xD
Imran, I think your post/posts make sense and are funny in a way.
So those of you lovely people who are reading this shit of mine,do read up on Imran's posts(which are those last 2 before this).
And Emilla a.k.a my elder sister/sis/sissy(LOL), sorry I didnt pick up your call.
Reason for not picking up: Was sleeping.
Reason for sleeping: Was feeling fucktup.
Reason for feeling fucktup: Hmm...
Reason for Hmm...: EH,how many reasons you want?
But I'm okay now. I was never okay and never not okay. Haha,up to you on how you want to understand that sentence. (=
Aku now dah addicted with power metal but I got not drums to practise. )=
I finally found a 7a size drumsticks with nylon tips.Cost 14 bucks but I got no money now(in the form of cash that is). And I yet to pay you back sis. Kahkah..
Don't know if can still play drums xia. Long time no play la xia.
But its alright..
No matter what,Heavymetal will still be a part of my soul.
Thats all la dey.
\mm/

My Date

2007-06-28T08:18:00.001+08:00

I'd just like to start by saying that I updated the blog with another post below this one, so check it out.

The reason for this post is that I'm thinking of trying it out...

Not so long ago during ODAC, one of my friends talked to me about her ideal guy. She said, "it's you..."

Alright, just kidding :)

Anyway, what she really mentioned was about how he would be like, and she described how so very committed she would be to him once they got together...

Wait a sec. This got me thinking...I used to have the same idea of how a relationship, at this particular teenage stage, should be like. Last time I thought well, if both the guy and the girl were extremely sure they liked each other for who each of them really are, they could go steady.

And yeahh, it would require commitment to get into a relationship...but what if I didn't want to be committed? 'Cause the truth is you never know who you'd meet in future and placing your all your hopes on one person, so early in life is just ridiculous. Even if all goes well, what if you meet someone new, start to like him/her and feel sort of split between him/her and old boyfriend/girlfriend?

I mean the possibilities of who you end up with are endless. You could meet someone new in any point of your life, even overseas. You could even split up with your old girlfriend and meet her again 10 years later and, with changed/matured personalities, end up dating each other all the way to marriage. Hey, you could even end up marrying someone you used to hate/argue with! Well you get the idea.

So anyway, let's say I'm interested in a girl and she's interested in me and I date her, but can I do it without getting into a relationship...could I do it for fun? Could we just like each other to some extent but stay as friends? It could work out between us but the thing is, I wanna keep my options open. I think that's what dating is supposed to be like but I'm not certain if that's how other people see it or if they'd agree with me. There probably are people who do this but most of the time when I see couples, they're the sort that wanna give "the rest of their life together" a try.

For my case, I just wanna get to know the person and have fun. Really. Somehow I think it'd be cool to have this kinda non-serious relationship. At the same time both she and I could choose to date other people and neither of us have to hide it. Instead of a committed girlfriend, think of it as "good friend with some aspect of romance". You could call it a "dating" status, though my idea of it is less serious.

So I think my problem now is, how do I explain that to a girl? I have a feeling she might end up feeling confused. I'm not trying to be a playboy here, my point is that one should not be afraid of trying it out with new people.

For this reason I think it's disgusting how I get those chain-letters that tell you to keep loving your boyfriend/girlfriend and don't ever let him/her go. What made you jump to the conclusion that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with that girlfriend in the first place? Don't you wanna get to know more people before making a final decision? Not letting go is being selfish. Not only that, the more people you've dated, the better you know about your own preferences. Besides, people change.

I don't mind if people feel bad after breaking up, what I do mind is these e-mails which give horrible advice. Don't let him/her go? Who are you kidding? This is like deceiving the dear youth to believe that it's bad to break up and you should always try to stay in you relationship. Someone really heartbroken must have typed those dumb letters. Worse still, someone without any experiance.

I sure hope the general view is not like those in the chain-letters. Maybe I could propose this as a debate-topic. In the meantime, wish me luck :p

hellow freaks

2007-06-28T07:39:00.000+08:00

Hellow freaks.

Haha. Just feel like saying that, no idea why. The font looks suitable too. Anywayz, it feels good now that the JCTs (June Common Tests) are over. You know how random words pop up in your head after studying so much? That's kind of like how I feel now.

Like 2 days ago, the first thing in my head when I woke up was "H2O molecules...Oxygen...tetrahedral...hydrogen bonding...more dense..." Usually I think "Alhamdulillah" when I wake up, but I guess revision was just stuck in my head. There was another time my brother was playing the song Vacant by Dream Theater on the com, and the first thought that struck my mind was "vacant orbital". Well you catch my drift, and this was just chemistry.

Before my exams started 4 days ago, my bro and I went to send the PS2 for repairs. Apparently there are 2 lenses inside the console, one for reading normal discs and one for reading DVD format discs, which are mostly PS2. The DVD lens wears out pretty fast, takes about 1-2 years for it to wear out depending on how much you play. Since it spoiled, my bro and I had to stick to our olde PSone games, without memory cards...which means we can't save games.

This is the 2nd or 3rd time it happened to my PS2 (I can't remember) and I thought repairs would take around 3 days...turns out it'll take at least 3 WEEKS. Now I'm left PS2-less and gosh, I feel so empty inside. Haha. Video games were a big part of my life, though I hardly got time to play since sec 2.

I know it sounds silly being "emotional" over a gaming console but you've got to understand, video games are one of my greatest interests and it's my favourite thing to do (or play) at home when I've got free time, other than guitar and stuff. I'm not as updated about them as I used to be, but it still remains as my one of my passions.

Speaking of guitar, haven't come up with anything great for the song yet but some ideas are slowly oozing in. They come in small amounts and the thing is I'm not exactly sure how to put them together, or if I should put them together in the first place. Sorry Han, looks like this is gonna take quite a while.

Currently relistened to Immortal's In my Kingdom Cold. The guitar riffs sound sinister and man, I love evil-sounding guitar riffs! Not quite sure if I like the drummer's constant drumming technique though, and the vocals are ok, but some of his groans, grunts and growls don't appeal to me.

Well that's all, folks. Bored at home and wanting to go out before school reopens...

Short Post.

2007-06-23T03:39:00.000+08:00

Yo.
Havent been jamming so far.
Imran gonna have exams,good luck dude.
Last time we jammed,I don't know..
Was it horrible?
Haha..I cant play Fade To Black anymore..
And sure Fu*k,it used to be our best song.
Even Hafiz said "Haha,kene main fade to black balik sia.."
Which means we need to play/train on that song again..

Anyway,
My life with PhreakFrendz sure is good.best.Enjoyable.Happy to the max la.Nothing bad about it. =D
PhreakFrendz is my riding crew la..formerly named 1852..bla3.
Just got home from riding..did a couple of stuff today/yesterday.
Tried doing opposite 180,and now my arms feel like they're falling off.
What if my arms were to feel that way due to excessive drumming.Hah..LoLs.

And to Claudine And Emilla;
YES.My ride/bike IS my girlfriend (I don't know if its a guy or girl).Until I find a real girlfriend (I don't know if it gonna happen or not la ha),my bike IS my girlfriend.I LOVE my bike.Because of my bike and bmx itself,I learnt alot about life.You can read all about it on my friendster profile.Its too long to be posted here.And you 2 should be thankful I sacrifised the love for my bike for the 2 of you that night on the phone.(No la joking only,not expecting a big thanks or anything.Haha..really).We dont talk on the phone all the time and not much and I can always ride my bike some other time..So yeah,anything for friends. (=

Alright thats it.
And I wanna leave you people with some riddles.You can try to answer or personally get the answers from me.
- Why is seawater salty?
- Of all monkeys(and their relatives),which are the kinds that knows how to swim?

\mm/

Fuck.

2007-06-14T04:57:00.000+08:00

Hey..
The name's of this post is called "Fuck."
Its almost 5 in the morning and i don't know whether to fucking sleep or not.
Update on Neonixehertz,
Huh? again? sry la,no progression.yep.NOTHING.
Fuck.
But nvm la..things happen for a reason..and its because Hafiz has no amps and Imran is forever busy.His exams are coming anyway so good luck bro.
Plan was to go jamming on friday but Hafiz suddenly asked if we wanna jam later after 4 or should i better say after Imran's class.
Told him sure but I have no money at all..and he went like damn...Haha,sry bro,like you said,you too haven't pay me back..LoLs,we'll see how..
And if we were to jam,i can imagine Imran in uniform(again) jamming.We're all in home clothes and he's like in uniform.I'm not saying you whatsoever Imran..but urgh!What the fuck,know what i'm trying to say?
Yeah so again,
Fuck.

Things' been a roller coaster.Thanks ALOT to Claudine,Emilla and Matthew for those good times in the last couple of days..I really dont have anything bad to say about it because its just good/nice!From the orchard outing to bugis..From Matthew and Emilla showing their true colors and Claudine's mind being corrupted due to the 2 of you to chilling at the suntec fountain..You guys are great.. (x ..i cant imagine how big is my thanks to you guys.

And Roy,fuck you a thousand times.I appreciate the fact that you want to be friends with me but you're treating me like a fucking faggot.I'm really disappointed in you.Although you known me for 3 years but it seems like you think I'm as childish as what you can be.I know you fucking love habbo but I dont,although i play it almost everyday.I'm not as enthu as you are.You may have friends like Tyler and Rayman who are really freaks in that game but I'm so sorry,I am NOT like them.So stop treating me like as if I'm into everything in that stupid game.I think you well know you are irritating and its okay if you dont want to change that part.But you're now old enough and i expect you to change a little,as in UP IN THE BRAINS..I dont wanna be fucking throwing chairs at you anymore cos I want to treat you with respect as well..and i really WISH i could.
Bottomline,
FUCK.

Fuck la,its not good saying fuck alot of times.But what to do..
Some people are just people.
I try to be nice they say I'm crazy because i used to be bad..
When sometimes I'm being nice to people over time,they step over my head..
(Roy,although you are one,there are more people who's worse than you now)
Its okay,I have this thing called "Patience" in me and you cant imagine the amount of it.
Sorry guys,i'm jz tryna let my anger off..
Still finding a healthy way to get rid of anger.
You dont wanna know or experience how does it feel like to be in between Anger and Patience..
Wait,i'm not really suppose to talk abt personal stuff on this blog,
but why does it seems i'm like the only one who's using it..
Maybe I might be the band's spokesman one day with my C6 English..oh lols.
Thats all the shiat i guess and before I end..

神は私の夢の女の子である私に言う。

Imran is sick!

2007-05-26T04:22:00.000+08:00

Imran is sick!
Haha..
So I was just spending time using my laptop when suddenly my home phone rang.
Me:Hello.
The person over on the phone:Hello,may I speak to Zulraihan? (Voice sounds like Imran's)
Me:Ya,this is zul,is that you Imran?
The person: Ya..(so now you know its Imran)..Hey dude,I came out with something cool and I want you to hear it.
Me:Go msn ar..haha.I listen thru voice convo.
Imran:I dont have the mic la..Haha.
Me:Haha,okok let me hear it on the phone.
*After hearing all the stuff*
Me:Hey,thats cool shit.Dont throw it away man!
Imran:Haha,alright.I'm going to call Hafiz now to let him hear as well.
Me:Haha,alright alright.

So he called just to let me hear what he had came out with.LoLs,a little bit nuts but that shows how passionate he is..thanks bro.Rock on man..He was actually spending time playing guitar and just doodling stuff i guess.Then after like 10 minutes,I called him back to asked him to play it again.He said that he had came out with it out of boredom and partly because he was sick of school and stuff.Haha,so it came with flow I guess..We talked for some time and we developed his idea into a longer piece.At first he thought that just sounded cool to be part of a song but I said its so much nicer for a riff.So we used that as a riff and somehow I tried to help out to continue and turns out we came out with riff for the verse and bridge part connecting the verse and chorus.

I'm still thinking of the intro..but I told him that since his idea was kinda of a slow material,maybe the song would go slow after all..and we might just throw in some crazy shit in the interval or until the end of the song..why not right? Yeah anyway,thinking about it,we still have one riff that is left unused for now..Some emo-sounding tabs that I have added a little drums and bass which Nadiah had created for us (thanks girl!) but I have yet to hear that.But the trouble is,Imran keeps coming out with a very SHORT part.Haha..and when we talked on the phone,he finally understands that it needs to be longer..so I could think of what/how the drums would sound like.Its usually like that..riff as the backbone of the song..add in the bass and stuff and lastly the drums is left to fit in.Well at least I got some things going on in my mind after I made his new idea to be a longer piece..

And if you're asking me why are we so slow in our songs..please ask the 2 guitarists.
Hehe..
I'm need something to work on man!
Imran,you better make time for this one.Honestly,that shit sounds great.

Kids and their stupid relationships

2007-05-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hey yo.
Its been very long since this place is last updated.
I think Neonixehertz is dead.
Its been ages since we last went jamming.
I'm sick of the same old shit.I don't mind playing other songs from Metallica..but preferably other songs from other bands. I'm becoming useless in my skills(like as if i had some),not forgetting the fact that I still dont know how to hold a drumstick and thats like from the very beginning of Neonixehertz.Honestly right now,I'm kinda inspired to play fast rolls and double pedals but sadly,I dont have a drumset and we dont really go jamming anymore.So that basically means,I cant try anything.For me,its okay if you lack of skill..if your drumming sounds nice,then thats what really matters.I'm not saying this as an excuse for me.. there's a difference there.I have NO skill and my opinion is emphasising on LACK of skill.

Whatever la ha..Alright,I'll try to refrain from using as many vulgarities as possible.

I dont know how are your lives going on Bros (Imran & Hafiz)..well for me,I'm thankful to Allah for my balanced life right now.I'm experiencing both ups and downs right now..the ups is making me really happy and overjoyed..Alhamdulillah..
and the downs are really super fucktup..Astaufirghullah..
Haha..since when I've learnt to speak in that manner..LoLs,anyways,its not that I'm trying to attract attention by saying all that..it just comes to my next point that I wanna share.

About teenagers like us and the idea of being in a relationship.
Want to be in a relationship? Thats fine,your fucking problem and business..but I think its becoming stupid..Wait.It is stupid,not becoming..yeah so,I believe IT IS stupid when your relationship is turning into a source of problem.Reason for me to mention this is because this has been a common sight recently..and I really really think that you are dumb. And these people,who are having problems with their relationship,are going around and like "LEAVE ME ALONE.MY LIFE IS IN A MESS RIGHT NOW!YOU DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL!" Hah! Well Fucktard,congratulations.You have just been fucked-tup by your relationship. Why am I saying all this? What's the point of being in a relationship? Well I cant possibly explain here because everyone has their own opinion but lets be frank. In a relationship,people basically:
- wants to love someone
- wants to be loved
- what else? Its basically your source of happiness in life isnt it?

But what I see nowadays is that relationships are becoming a source of problem in life.And all I can see is that in ends terribly;people hating one another and becoming selfish.Sure,yup..I do believe that conflicts make a relationship stronger when then outcome is good..but if that conflict is just giving you the worst time of your life,then whats the point? Hating one another like childish freaks and becoming selfish trying to tell the whole world that your life is fucktup just because of your relationship.Think again,your "problem" is nothing and pathetic to those having real problems in life such as famliy conflict,financial,etc.Maybe you need to learn to appreciate the gift of having the chance to live from God.But again,I do believe strongly that a relationship doesnt really need major conflicts just to be stronger.I have seen couples,whether married or not,living in harmony.There's no need for fights and crap stuff here and there.Minor disarguements do happen and its resolved in calm and understanding-one-another manner.Like,if you love one another already,why would you want to fight anyway?When its really love,although your partner may have done something wrong,you are willing to forgive them or maybe you dont even care at all because the love for that person immediately turns into forgiveness.If your partner is really the ONE,he/she wont give you hell..because they love and cherish you very much.They cant bear to see you in any form of difficulty and if they do,they would want to go through it TOGETHER with you.Now honestly,doesnt that sound nicer?

Again,if you're asking me what the fuck is my point of saying all this..its because I do really see alot of people change because of stupid things like these.And some just happen to be my friends..I dont even know if they view me as a friend..cos I'm not as cool and as them,bla3..I need not go into extra details for that.

Anyway before I end,I would like to thank..
- Roy [For being a beaver,haha..,you should be glad that i placed you top of list.=/]
- Matthew [Cool Bro,chill guy..]
- Mark [Accessory Boy.Err,Actually i wanted to say more to Happy Birthday.Haha]
- Haziq [Cheerleader boy.. -.-]
- Ruslan [Crazy Bro,Gerek fella..Kaistor,Kaistor!(Eh!Eh!)]
- Sab [Sab giler!!! Hahaha]
- Claudine [Forget the jerk la..Stay happy!Dont get horny..Haha!,joking!]
- Emilla [Aww sister,dont be sad la..Got problem can talk to me aite!Stay happy as well.]
- Bee Siang/Xiang. [Sorry if i spelt your name wrongly.Stop being emo la..Siao char bo.LOL!]
- And to those anyone out there who I've missed out for all the good times. (x

Thanks to..
- Hafiz
- Khairul
- Seth
For the auditions.

Alright,thats all.
\m/

Kaistor.

2007-05-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hey..
I got a shitload to talk here.
But this is to clear things up.
Roy Chua,I'm not blaming you for anything.I'm just trying to explain.

It all started when...
Roy: Going kaistor's lunch outing tmr?
Me: No? I don't know there's lunch tmr?
Roy: Don't know? Its all over a few GLs' and freshies's msn pm..
Me: Oh sorry,I don't bother to see.If they want me to come,they should have told me.
Roy: lol,you vip meh? You oso not best freshie..
Me: Ya so? I don't know there's outing cos I was never informed..
Roy: Haha,see lah..you not popular thats why
Me: I want to be popular for what sia.Ppl see my face they don't want friend me already.

Okay,lets end there since the rest is just crap.But before I say ANYthing,my MAIN and WHOLE point of this post is; What YOU see may NOT be what I see.
I repeat: What you see may not be what I see.
Honestly,I don't mind being popular BUT for reasonable things such as me being friendly and outgoing and not because of looks(like as if i have,its just an example),I am trendy and cool or whatsoever fuck.Most of today's youth are popular mainly for that kind of reasons.I observed this as I grow up over the years..c'mon its obvious.So anyway,I want to point out a few things from that simple convo I had with Roy.

First of all,I am NOT a vip NOR the best freshie but I strongly believe that the organizer,if he/she wishes to have most of the Kaistorians to be at the lunch outing,then its they themselves who will have to go around and inform others.AT LEAST have the initiative to do so and not just later pointing fingers to people who weren't there thinking that they're anti-social for not being at the outing.Why am I saying this?I'm not trying to be a hero or ask anyone to thank me for my effort but I still remember the time where Haziq and me were rushing our ass off trying to complete that super long list of email addresses of Kaistorians from F.O.C which was later to be sent to everyone.Think again,why did I even bother to do such a thing although I was already super tired from the camp?Its because I wanted as many people as possible to know everyone in the whole Kaistor empire.Its because I had the thought of it and I wanted to.So,to achieve my goal,I made an effort and I must say I am very happy with the outcome of it.Others' and mine contacts were like booming due to non-stop adding of other freshies' email addresses.Special thanks to Haziq for helping me out alot.This is what i meant by what you see may not be what I see.You may think that I'm ignorant but I have a life,a busy one,and I may not have the time to really go around and ask others what's happening.

Secondly,the "I don't bother part".Honestly,I love Kaistor very much.Yes I do.And honestly,I do hate some people in Kaistor.Let me be VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD here.I used to be enthu about Kaistor but because of the "lunch" outing at Olio at City Hall,I had this thought and feeling of not bothering about Kaistor that much anymore.The thing that makes me even more sad is that the people who caused the mess are the seniors and just because they're seniors and the majority,doesn't mean you need not respect your juniors/freshies and the minorities.The story:Some bunch of seniors trying to organize an empire lunch outing but one BIG mistake:making decisions without the opinion/knowledge/approval of others.Some sense of communication you got there fellow senior.Its just like as if you're going out on a normal lunch with your clique while asking along a group of 100 people to join you guys.Not being racists here..since the majority was chinese,they really forgotten about the non-chinese and so have reserved a place at a non-halal restaurant.That's okay..its fine..still can take it.So we,the non-chinese,told them we'll be eating at some other place and meet them later after our meals.We got a green light for that.So they went off first and around 10 minutes after that,they called us asking us why is there a large number of chinese people following the non-chinese people which was only 4 at that time.First reaction: What the fuck?! These people are sensitive. How can they say that? Its like as if they're saying that only 4 chinese can follow the 4 non-chinese.And of course the chinese people replied to them asking why can't they follow us since we are their friends as well and doesnt that sound a little racist? In the end,we gave them face and went there for their sake so that they could shut the bloody mouth up.Lucky for them,we're used to fasting and I really pity one of my GLs.The place was non-halal but she was terribly hungry and couldn't resist from watching others eating and so she was gobbling up all the halal stuff like fruits and chocolate.About the amount of food and cost,I better not say it because it was a TOTAL rip-off and will just give bad memories to some people.Again,this is what I meant by what you see may not be what I see.In their eyes,they thought they were right to make that kind of decisions without thinking of what might happen next but in the eyes of others,we view them as immature elders,yup,immature elders who think they're always right and are TOO sensitive.

Last but not least..Roy said I am not that popular among Kaistorians.True,I am not that popular..but is it because I don't mix much with Kaistorians? I told Roy..its been almost a month since F.O.C and Kaistor is STILL having outings almost every week.I was wondering,what the hell is wrong with these people?Yes okay I know you love Kaistor,so do I!But if this carries on and on and on,it just shows you are not moving on in life.C'mon..move on!I also told Roy that if your ring of contacts is just within Kaistor,then I guess I'm better at socialising because I make friends with everyone,not just people from Kaistor.I rather spend time going around meeting new people rather than just being in a small group for the whole 3 years or more of your poly life.So AGAIN,what you see may not be what I see. You may think that I don't bother going to outings and gatherings..but whats the point if you keep seeing the same people for each and every one of the gatherings and outings? Does that make you sound more friendly? Does that make you more popular? Yeah,perhaps..but only popular in Kaistor and not TP.

My final point.What's the purpose of saying all that? Again and again..what you see may not be what I see. You may think I'm some ignorant fucktard who doesnt gives a damn about this and that but the truth is I have thoughts running here and there.I learn alot of things through observing and I think alot about life.BUT..I may also not able to see what you see..but honestly,i wish to rephrase that. BUT..I may not able to see clearly what you see..because honestly,I do take the time to put myself in others' shoes and think why do they think in that way..I do.

\m/

First Day at Tp

2007-04-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

Engine,engine school..
All the people super cantik.
Engine,engine school..
Gerek gerek,we all gerek.
Engine,engine school..
Gila gila,si bei gila.
Engine,engine school..oi! oi!
We are just the best. (I forgot this line)
You may have flavours..We have 2 canteens..
You may have chio bu..We have our yan dao..
You have drawing block..We have AutoCad..
Engine,engine school..oi! oi! We have our carona..
Engine,engine school..oi! oi! We have our carona..
CHICKEN RICE FOR YOU?????

First of all,don't bother to understand all that if you don't know what it is.
Official commencement day/date of '07 Mechatronics batch..first day at tp. xD
Fun? Of course la fun..start late end early..
Everything went well.First day was a little dry due to all the explaining the academic systems and stuff..
But as soon as the lesson which was either Lab/Tutorial/Lecture starts,the fun begins.
Did Engineering Drawing..for those who took dnt,congratulations,a continued/revised version of that subject..long time no draw man..missed dnt.The Engineering maths..I believe Hafiz did as well.It was all Amaths..and the best thing; "Alamak,how to do ar? I forget how to do all already ar..eh this one how?! Completing square!"
It was nice to finally do some work after all those months of rotting away doing nothing..New leash of life..
Unlike secondary school..which was suppose to be memorable was terribly suck for me..Dunman is a good school but the people screwed upside down and inside out.Who cares now anyway..I'm not in Dunman anymore.
After school ate at short-curcuit..that's the canteen's name in engineering school.There's another canteen..but i don't know how to spell the name..haha.Carona nice sia..seriously.2 bucks chicken rice.You get:
- a so-so large bowl of rice.
- a pair of chicken wings,drumsticks.

After eat then went home..
During our lectures,Nadiah of 4C'06 who just turned 18 recently,living in Pasir Ris and schooling at TPJC and who is also a RETARD smsed Hafiz and me asking us how's our first day of school while saying don't get caught using phones.We were in different lecture theatres and co-incidentally,both of us tried to made her jealous..I replied 'cmon..this is poly not jc' ...and hafiz the best 'Really? I can sms and call infront of my lecturer' ..haha,hows that Nadiah? Amik kau...Joking la girl. Happy 18th Birthday again..Oh yeah and because we are guys Miss Nadiah,we need not be choosy of what to wear to go to school unlike your plain boring uniform..haha!And because of the clothing,you can really know whether someone is in year 1,2 or 3..especially girls.I don't know about me..when I was in sec 1,people mistook me for a sec 2 and 4 when I was 3.

Nothing else to say.
Listening to Avirl's "Girlfriend" for-I-don't-know-why/what while air-drumming like as if its a power metal song.
Last thing I wish to say before I end..

You wouldn't want to know or experience how does it feel like when you're doing your very best to be positive but others around you are just giving negative response..

\m/

brief update

2007-04-23T20:18:00.000+08:00

Just a short update from a busy guy like me. Haha

TPJC so far's not bad, apparently the school's undergoing many changes under the new principal. One of which is the new focus is on education (boy, they really should have thought of that a looong time ago :s). They even changed the school vision to "Every Student in University".

It's a good feeling coming to JC, embracing new things like the amount of independance they give you and how less-strict the rules are. During the first few weeks I tended to hide my handphone when I sensed somebody approaching, then I'd realise that it's alright to make calls like nobody's business as I walk past corridors. Needless to say about this freedom-factor in polys...

My orientation group was alright, but I kinda miss my MI class. The guys there were really outgoing and fun. So far, it seems that I'm slowly fitting in my CG (civics group, i.e. class) in TPJC as compared to the rest. The people there are not bad...but nothing great really. They don't seem to be that outgoing which is kinda different compared to MI and the Dunmanites.

I miss playing football, jamming, and especially the trash-talking and the funny crap that was so available among Dunmanites. People here are like virgins when it comes to jokes (at least it seems to be that way so far). Some people can do it to some extent but over all, I can feel how dull it is compared to my experiance with sec sch peeps and MI.

Take the way Seth disturbed us (nxhz) after our last session as an example. We did get a good laugh from that, but getting that level of humour is rare in tpjc.

Other than that, I joined Outdoor Activities Club (ODAC)...yeahh. Other than that nothing great going on. Man my life is boring...haha =/

Eh Hafiz post something leh? This isn't Han.blogspot.com, ya noe :p

PS: Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend is really drag man, so mainstream. It's like she's in a pre-britney spears stage or something.

Cheer up Han. Siapa sabar menang.

The faithful aren't afraid ;)

TP FOC ' 07

2007-04-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

Yo!

Han here.

Alot of stuff to share..but i'll just go with the main one which is TP F.O.C '07!! Ape la hafiz..why never go..you and your lazy lazy lazy..zzzz.

HELL YEAH it was fun..came back from the camp like 2 days ago and I'm already missing everything from it.The fun..the people..the crazy stuff..everything.Not to mention my empire came in first for the camp!Woohoo!That just makes it better la.I'm from Kaistor Empire and sub-empire Kaigen.

Here's a pic. (=

First day wasn't really that good because it rained and we're supposed to have station games at tampines central.It turned out to be okay anyway except for some people who seem responseless during icebreakers..yeah i know a few ppl hate that stuff but what do you expect? Its a camp and you need to know new people.Second day,did almost nothing.They taught TP mass dance which I already know how to do it because I went for the TP RAWKS 3-day course..then they taught the hand sign song and finally school song which I find both very nice to listen to.Haha!It also rained on the 2nd day.Then on the last day....was FUN ALL THE WAY.Had carnival games in the morning which made us wet frm head to toe.It didnt rain..and then we had a game called 'Hunt-gry' which was sorta treasure hunt but instead of hunting for treasure,we're suppose to complete as may tasks as possible which are given to us.I think there was a total of 100+ tasks? LoL..so,it was up to you which one you want to carry out and see if the points are worth it.Anyway,I really felt super good at the end of the camp;made a lot of new friends and all..my msn and frienster are like having a boom.This is only a 3-day camp man..not yet 3 years.And I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all Kaistorians.You guys were great. (=

Anyway,thats all I have to say abt FOC.

Damn,i really miss jamming.I miss fucking the drums.I miss double pedaling.I miss rolling altho I suck at it.I miss hitting the snare.I miss the cymbals.I miss those crazy times where we suddenly play the song at twice the normal speed.See la Imran..go jc summore.Now we're like lost-contact.Haha..joking la bro.If you have free time,please spare time for jamming because I'm very sure Hafiz is adding on fats everyday doing nothing and just talking to his beloved gf.I was thinking if you guys might want to try songs from non-metal bands.Just sidetrack for awhile from our usual metal.Starlight by Muse?..haha! LoLs..just start jamming again la.You guys are like the best pair of guitarists i can have and somehow you guys are not really using your potential. =/ ...if got any problem,can come talk to me.We're brothers after all..hahaha! Sorry if i'm spouting out crap..

ZZzzz..i dunno what else to.Bla3...nyeknyeknyek.

I think i'll just end here.

\m/

April Fools Sucks

2007-04-02T00:46:00.000+08:00

Hello.
\m/
Bored to the max.
Wanna share something.
Yesterday was 1st April.
Or rather better known as April Fools.
Honestly,I hate April Fool.
Why?
Because its nonsense.Its suppose to be a day when people carry out pranks on others.But most people tend to go beyond the line of being sensible in their prank or should I say "prank".People come out with all sorts of nonsense and bullshit which are either irritating or in the end get someone really really angry.

REAL examples of nonsensical and bullshit "prank" :
- "Hey,have you heard that frm today onwards you will need to pay to use msn?Haha,april fool."
- "Hey,have you heard they're giving away free handphones somewhere in Orchard Road?" (and after all the hype and excitment from the victim) "Haha,joking la,april fool."

Okay enough.Too many to say because ALL are stupid.
The main thing I wanted to point out was an example of a "prank" which got people mad.
This really happened yesterday.
There was this chain-messaging of sending of this file called "Photo Album".And the WORST thing was it came along with a tag which most people stupidly copy and pasted along which said "Hey,I've just completed a photo album of me/pornstars/hollywood celebrities.Do check it out!" Sadly,many people accepted the file and guess what,virus attack.Yes,serve you right for accepting the file and sending it to others as well in thinking that it was an April Fool's prank.Guess you got played back at your game.Have a taste of your own medicine I must say.I did have a few contacts who tried sending it to me.I didn't accept.

WHY?
1.What was the date yesterday? Oh I forgot 1st April.A day when people do stupid stuff.
2.Photo album? Are you mad or crazy sending me photos of yourself in a whole chunk?!
3.Photos of pornstars/hollywood celebs? OBVIOUSLY SOUNDS FISHY RIGHT,bodo!
4.I'm just so used to playing pranks(when I was younger) on others that I can know which are pranks and which are "pranks".

Even if I was going to carry out a prank,I do make sure its sensible and funny in a way that I will try my best not to get my victim angry or emotionally hurt.My opinion on playing a prank is to have fun joking around with others while knowing the limits as a form of entertainment.NOT where one you mess up their computer or some other stupid stuff.If you think that's entertainment or funny to you,tell me when your computer is being attacked by virus due to "pranks".I''ll be laughing my ass off.

Anyway,went back to dunman last friday.
Speech day.Went there to receive prize bla3..lazy to update about that cos there's nothing interesting about it.Spent time and took picuters with old friends.I must say they somehow look older now..haha.I don't know why..maybe its because of the clothes/uniform they wear.Some of the tpjc-ians were in softball.HAHA,KENTAL SIA SOFTBALL.SOFT...BALLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.Like what Roy said; "Eh,you really can play softball ar?I think you see the ball coming to you,you guys all scream like mad liao."I agree with that beaver,true.Not criticising you guys la..just joking aite.At least Fadilah is in bowling.Yeah..at least its HARD balls.LOL.Just want to wish everyone good luck in their studies and whatever you do in life.

Thats all.
Ohayu huzaimasu and see ya.
\m/

Early Day Post

2007-03-28T04:54:00.000+08:00

Today is Wednesday.
Date is 27/03/2007.
Time is 4:58 am.

Yesterday a crazy idea struck me.
The story:
I was just thinking about Neonixehertz.How we came a long way and bla3..OH DEAR! A few days left to 4th April a.k.a Imran Abdul Haqiim's birthday and Neonixehertz's 2nd birthday.Is it a big deal?Erm..I'm not that sure myself.Actually ya la..the 2nd year of being together is kinda of a big deal.Although time,school,life and most of all,SHITCAKE PROBLEMS come in our way as obstacles,we're still going strong together.For that,first of all,I would like to thank Allah and next,you my brothers..who else;Hafiz and Imran (credits to Khairul and Seth for helping out with the bass at times). (= Hey..2 years already sia..what have we done? Hmm..we've learnt alot.Be it about life and music.We've done alot of songs from metal to punkrock to thrash.Haha..the 'thrash' there means our random nonsensical moments.At least we were able to perform once infront of a crowd/audience (Yes,I know only once..pathetic.Nvm mah,we're always busy anyway,haha!).So Hmm..2 years..what have we not done?This was where the idea came in.

LETS START AND GET BACK WITH A MUSIC OF OUR OWN.I'm kinda bored and sick of just playing the same old shit and we're already kinda lazy to try out other songs and I thought why not we write a song.It doesn't matter if its TOO simple or whatsoever..its like,at least we have ONE song after being together for 2 years.Something to satisfy ourselves and can be seen as an achievement.Asked Hafiz and Imran about it and I'm glad to say they were in it.But that's not really the big deal here.The big deal is that we have the ability of recording a song to almost studio-quality at our fingertips w/o even paying a single cent and not going into a recording studio and here we are not doing anything about it.ARE WE SHITCAKES OR WHAT?! Ya I guess so la ha..haha.

Yeah,so thats all that I wanted to say.Neonixehertz / NxHz. is going to be back with a music of our own.Finally?I don't know..I really really hope so.Can't promise..but if it ever reach that stage where we get bored again,I won't quit.Just to let you guys (my bros) know aite. (=
So what?Is that good news?I hope it is..for me,for NxHz. and for everyone who's still sincerely supporting us.. \m/

Last but not least..I would like to say this to my reflection of inconfidence in the mirror..
AKU LEH MAIN DOUBLE PAD LA SIAL. \m/ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Yes,I'm happy as well,actually I can still play,why am I so inconfident sometimes when I've not even tried..tsk3)

The time now is 6:16 am.

Gedebak Gedebuk

2007-03-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

Yo!!!
Long time since the last post.Lazy..but more to busy.Seriously.Imran is busy with his JC.Hafiz..I'm nt sure what he's busy with(slacking at home perhaps..that what he always do according to him) and me,slacking around as usual just waiting for poly intake like hafiz while riding my bike.Yea,like what I said in the previous post,I'm back to bmx.Okok enough on that.

NxHz Fan,whoever you are,thank you very much for your support. (=
We're not dead.Like I said,we're busy with our on stuff.However,we are still jamming together as a band and still for almost 2 years,without a bassist.We're now trying to jam new songs such as Trivium and Stratovarius but recently Hafiz and me are kinda addicted with Black Diamond by Stratovarius.The song uses a keyboard..I tried it on a piano with someone teaching me how to play it and I must say its hard to the max!The song is fast,which explains the need for fast fingering on the keyboard/piano.Apart from that,Stratovarius is power metal and so there's double bass,pedals.And for me,after so long not jamming,I think I kinda lost my mojo in my double bass/pads.It is sadening but its due to lack of practise and I never took the effort to maintain.I can't even play Fade To Black properly anymore but its alright..at least that used to be one of our best songs and I won't forget the journey and process of how it became our best song.Other than that,Hafiz still has his skills just that now he's lazy to sing.I wonder why..Imran,what can I say.Everybody agrees he's good but,I think he needs a 1GB ramm inside his head to memorize songs better.=/..HAHA!
We used to come out with our own songs but it didnt even reach a good point cos everytime we do it,we feel it kinda turn out to be boring and plain and we tend to throw it away quickly.Can't blame that actually,like i said,we're busy..so,haha.

Alright,enough with all that shit.Wanna share something.
You know that Nadiah from 4C'06? Yeah,that step-guitarist girl who's a 18 years old but has a character like as if she's 18 months old and whenever she sings,it WILL rain WITHOUT fail? Haha..relax la Nadiah,just joking! Yeah,if you go to her blog(I forgot whats the url),she's been talking abt maturity recently.Yep,I know,nonsensical of her to talk abt that kinda stuff.Haha! Joking la Nadiah.Anyway,she's been arguing with me that seeing the world from a child's eye is better and she says that growing up,acting like and adult sucks.Well,here's my view.
Looking from a child's eye:
-True.They want peace and everything to be in a good way.But children sometimes do not know the reason why some things are just THAT way because they don't understand due to their age.
Looking from an adult's eye:
-They tend to handle the situation better as they are able to think.But sometimes adults think they are always right and is the best around.
My bottomline:
There's one malay saying "Besar jangan disangka bapak,kecik jangan disangka anak".In english it means "Big doesnt mean its father,small doesnt mean son'.LOL.Haha,basically its trying to tell that life experiences and skill and knowledge doesnt necessary comes from adults but children are able to be as good as the elders as well.So whats my point of saying this?I dont view maturity having any relation with age because a little child,although small,can actually be a matured individual.Why?Because of his/her character and personality.An adult,although old and have life experiences,can still be acting like a kid.Why?Again,because of his/her character and personality.
SO,age doesnt matter in the topic of maturity.Is actually YOU yourself if you're willing enough to know yourself,understand things in life and changing your ways in any aspect where its bad.

Well,everyone grows at their own pace.You can't blame or go on scolding people to change.The best way to help is to make them realise and leave them thinking.Whats the use of a brain if its never used for thinking? In other words I would like to put it this way;Start thinking with your brain,stop thinking with your feelings.

Alright man,thats all.I just got home 1/2 hr ago.From where?Riding of course.Haha..aite2.
See ya.\m/

Another short post.

2007-02-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

Imran,you are very good at bitching aren't you?
Hafiz really mean friends.His friend was out working.Kesian fiz.Its okay..post-valentine pun jadi.

What do I have to say for myself?
I'm so happy that I'm back to bmx.I really regret putting my bike aside after Os because I used to be busy with nxhz. I got kinda mixed up between jamming and bmx but in the end no matter what,I know I cant abandon bmx.Its the same for every rider.Once you've started and understood the fun and meaning of ride bmx,you just feel so in love with it that there's no obstacle or whatsoever that can stop you from doing it.Best thing,there's no limits or boundaries to the things that can be done such as tricks.But bmx is just not about that.You go around and start meeting new people and these are your brothers who share the same passion and interest.You'll never know or guessed where your bike can take you to.The only downside about bmx is the injuries that you get during riding.The society not accepting makes it worse but these has never dampened the spirit of bmxers because many would view it in a way that we are throwing away our lives by doing stupid things but its actually what we really need inside of us.Turning to one another is way to feel better when we have problems in life.When we fall,we pick ourselves back up.It teaches us to not be scared and afraid to get up after being let down in life.The injuries that we sustain are as if its showing how much pain we struggle through life but we still dare to fight back and instead,we try that trick over and over again for countless times.It teaches us to be determined and not give up easily.When suddenly on a particular attempt,you pulled off the trick,the feeling is so overwhelming.It teaches us that success come with patience,practise and perseverance.How can a sport,which involves a bike,can teach one so much if he really stop to think about it for a second?Thats the special thing about ride bmx..

I didnt't know why I had to say that.Maybe its to explain those who think why am I so stupid to ride that kind of bike.One thing for sure,its WAY better than riding a piyo2 and sitting at void decks with minahs mind you.

Ok la since Hafiz and Imran has willingly put their Os results on the blog..I shall do it too.To be fair la hah.

Eng = C6 (Happy sial pass english)
History = A2 (Yeehoo..Stalin!)
Comb.Humans = A1 (Cannot believe.Never passed before at all)
E.Maths = A2 (Proved to my maths teacher that I can excel in maths)
A.Maths = B3 (Hard work pays off..)
Comb.Science = A1 (w00t.)
Higher Malay = C5 (Sad..but its okay.At least my Os for malay is A2)

R4 = 11
R5 = 14..minus here minus there get 11.

I thank god for my results.
Thanks for answering my prayers.
Thats all I guess.Nothing much to say.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2007-02-11T14:21:00.000+08:00

Ok, first let me start by saying that this post is gonna be really long. I've divided this post into three portions

Let's get started.

1) O LEVELS

O LEVEL RESULTS ARE OUUUTTTT! WOOHOOOOOOO~!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I guess this is coming out kinda late since it's been days since the release, but who cares? I'm still feeling hyper from the moment I got my results...haha. Not that I did super well, but man, there was just so much emotion when we got the results. Conggrats to Eugene for topping the school! 7 points sia. wooo~! Conggrats to Hafeez, Farhan and Raghuram for bagging 8 points. Conggrats to Adib and Shiffa for totally improving their L1R5s. Conggrats to Shahrizal for getting a FREAKIN' A2 for Com humans without even finishing the paper! (the solat hajat really worked eh? u g2 thank me for tt! haha :p). AHH, there's so many ppl to conggratulate! In fact that's why I'm feeling so hyper, there was just so much happiness around.

I went around asking ppl abt their scores. It was simply amazing! Adib improved his L1R5 frm 49 to 16. If you think about it, that's actually kinda impressive, almost as impressive as getting 0 points for O's (6 points minus 6 bonus and so on)! Wen Jie was so happy when he got his results that he jumped/climbed on the nearest person around, apparently it was Navin. I yelled at a lot of people that day, or actually more like we were yelling at one another 'cause we were overflowing with happiness. There was one time me and Raghuram were just shouting at each other's faces, literally it went like "AAAHHHHH.....AAAAAHHH.....AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!", well you can imagine!

To sum it up, a lot of ppl improved dramatically. Personally, I was a mixture of happy and disappointed, though on the whole it was more happy. I'm pleased with my grades, but not so much my L1R5. Here they are:-

EL B3
EMath A1
AMath B3
Sci (Phy/Chem) A1
ML B3
Literature B3
Com Humans(SS/Geog) C5

L1R5=14
L1R5 with total bonus pts=12
L1R4=11

That's four B3s, 2 A1s and a C5. Ughh...that's a lot of B3s. Thinking back, I regret not putting in enough effort, some of the B3s could've been A's...oh well, 14's not too bad. I'm kinda happy actually that I got B3 for literature, especially because I didn't read EITHER OF THE BOOKS! Neither did Adib along with so many other ppl hu couldn't care less about lit! And the best part is, we passed! B3 BABEH! WOOHOOOO~! As how Wen Jie would put it, "Fierce ah!" lolz..

I was really hoping for at least an A2 for A Maths, but got a B3 instead. In the end, lit kinda made up for tt I guess. B3 in EL's not bad. As for ML and Com humans, asking for better grades might be asking for too much :s

There's a whole bunch of ppl who did well for O's, and some taking different subjects than me. Seeing the POA kids getting A's made me feel a bit bad at first, but I thought about it. I'm going to JC and I need A Maths a whole lot more than POA. In that case, I wouldn't wanna trade even a failure in A Maths for an A1 in POA! Haha. No offence to the POA ppl. Anyway, I guess anyone going into accounting after the O's would have a vice-versa view on this.

Alright, I'm done talking about the O's here. The next portion of this entry will deal with my behaviour in the band.

2) MY BEHAVIOUR

This is for my band. I remember how emotionally disturbed I was during the dunman days and I think I should explain myself for being so emo. Doing so wasn't being supportive of the band, and I know it's not nice to jam with a depressed sucker who plays guitar not for passion, but because he has to.

I was trying to deal with this personal problem I had that was difficult to solve (it's difficult to describe what the problem was, 'cause it's a mixture of emotions and situation). Being an objective person, I usually go full force when it comes to difficulties. To be honest, I 've never went through anything as emotionally complicated as what I went through then. Usually, I'm pretty good at solving my own problems, but I was dealing with something almost totally new, and I had to struggle inside before I could fully understand (and in some cases accept) and deal with the reality of the situation I was in.

In that struggle, I grew depressed. My change was horrible. It all started some time in sec 3, that's when my life started going downhill. This might be hard to believe, but me feeling sadder and sadder was actually something subconscious. It was only in the later part of the year in sec 3 when I gave myself a reality check-life wasn't as fun as it used to be. The first thing I realised about myself was that I wasn't witty anymore. I had a knack for joking with others (or teasing others), and at a certain point in time I was SUDDENLY unable to do so. I felt like I was a really boring person. It went from that, to not being able to even talk to other people. That's right, I turned from a noisy disruptive pupil into a quiet, depressed and always-quietly-thinking kinda person. What actually happened was that I grew quiet and boring in trying to solve this problem of mine.

The sadness stretched and grew, slowly from something small in sec 3 to a major depression in sec 4. Quite a few good friends of mine told me that I looked horrible (check out the irony in that statement...lol). What I mean is that the way I carried myself was really bad, it was obvious that I was a sad person. You could tell from my posture, the look I had on my face and so on. Even Mdm Rohana (my sec 3 and 4 lit teacher) was worried about my change. The scariest part was that I couldn't control the growing moodiness. Like I said earlier, it was somehow subconscious.

It happened because I was thinking so damn hard about the problem that I forgot almost everything else about myself, including my what-used-to-be-cheerful character.

I'm not trying to brag here, about how difficult it was for me, but I'm trying to describe how stupidly helpless I was/felt. I think the state I was in was pathetic. Nevertheless, I had to go through it.

It was only around some time in June 2006 that I finally decided that I had to stop myself from growing mad. I hated the ridiculous state I was in, and it was a really diffficult process for me to reach from depressed idiot to where I am now. In June, I decided to stop thinking about everything that had to do with that problem and get back on track, especially with my studies (O level year sia...haha). My depression also caused me to feel unsociable. Not anti-social where a person hates interacting with others, but unsociable. UNABLE to SOCIALISE. Honestly, I was so boring that I started to fear talking to most ppl, for fear that I had nothing to say. And I didn't blame them if I did! It was as if I lost my character, completely nothing inside. I was really LAME.

I remember on one occasion Wen Jie called out to me and made fun of me. I wanted to tease him back but I was quite surprised at what came out of my mouth...GRUNTING NOISES! (I bet you're smacking ur forehead right now :p) So yes, grunting noises were my lousy attempt to get back at him. I know it's stupid. I remember my thoughts at that moment exactly, they were "OMG. Why can't I say anything? What the heck is wrong with me?" Just then, Wen Jie asked me to relax and asked me if I was ok. I was really shocked that I wasn't even able to make freakin' words come out of my mouth. I think he was also kinda surprised at that weird response I gave him...

I had a hard time in 4E from around that period onwards. I lost quite a no. of friends. I lost their respect. I tried really hard to talk to some of them (who used to be ok with me), later they decided they didn't like (and some hated) me and made fun of me most of the time. Trust me, at that time, having a conversation with me was almost impossible. It's because I was lame. Life sucked. At the same time, it's kind of funny coz I dun blame them. They didn't understand what I was going through, what caused me to act weird. Anyway even I hated my own behaviour most of the time. If I could clone myself, the cloned Imran would probably be joining them in teasing me too.

BTW, Wen Jie wasn't one of these ppl who gave me a hard time. In fact, he was one of the most supportive ppl I could trust.

I think what further agitated the people who disliked me was the kind of response I gave towards them. I learnt that when a person gets depressed, there is a stage where he loses his character. Completely. In my case, I lost my patience too (aside from my character). My responses were quite aggressive towards any negative comment about me, even in jest. This was my last resort, my alternative to giving people a witty comeback. If not, I couldn't say anything. I found ppl telling me to chill most of the time, and I didn't realise that I sounded angry until they said so. This aggressive-comeback side of me mostly applies to the people who didn't like me anymore.

My character was also the reason why I stopped talking to people, regrettably. I think this is kinda obvious with regards to my friends from 4C. Not that I didn't want to, but I tried, and I couldn't. It was useless. The truth was that I needed time to build my character, to learn to be myself again, and I could only do these things with my closest of friends. They were the only ppl hu could interact with me. It took loads of time for me to become socially acceptable.

Anyway, life got better slowly and I eventually handled the problem. The effort towards becoming "normal again" paid off. I've done my soul-searching and am pretty much myself again. In fact, sometimes I'm sooo happy that I scare myself :s Who knew it's possible? lolz, it's just great man. It really feels good to be happy after being in a depressed state, thinking about how u're gonna tackle a problem all the time. It's like you actually feel a burden being lifted from the inside...haha. I guess we all have our problems and experiance such things. Even the friends who didn't like me initially accepted me eventually, in one way or another. I got my respect back.

Looking back, I feel like I wasted (the last) 2 years of my life in dunman. I wasted time thinking about that stupid problem I had. I should have had fun like any other normal kid. That way, the memories would have been more pleasant instead of painful. Nevertheless, I guess I had to get the crap in my life over and done with. Now life is great. I promise every jamming session will not have an unwilling guitarist, as was before.

3) VALENTINE'S DAY

I actually took out this section of the post because I realised that it was WAY too long. I wonder if anyone will actually read it in the first place, I've already typed so much...lolz. It's some commentary on girls that I made, I was too lazy to expand it and edit it, so I'll end the blog right here.

I asked Hafiz if he could jam today, said tt he had to wait for his siblings to reach home around 4, then he was going out with his friends. Or did he say friend? I WONDER WHO AH? lolz...just kidding. I'm pretty sure I heard the s in friends. Later I msged Zulraihan who reminded me that today was Valentine's. I totally forgot man, missed my chance to disturb Hafiz...haha

Today's my last day of freedom. It's back to MI tomorrow. Also happens to be SOMEONE's birthday...hehe

I didn't know Hafiz was gay. Muahahahaha

Singapore Vs Malaysia Semi-Finals

2007-01-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

Ole! Ole ole ole...ole..ole!
Haha.Thought of writing something different besides music stuff.
This blog is almost full of music crap.

Anyway,went to watch the 2nd-leg Semi-Finals (Spore vs Msia) with Clarence,Joshua Kwok,Roy,Siva,Hidayat,Shahrizal who was responsible for our presence there(thanks alot jal) and....Imran!! Haha,Hafiz came too but went with acap,khai and I not sure who else(check out his blog if you really want to know,lol wtf).

Had a good time..or should I say had a fucking good time.The game's overall is very good;more than expected with the lions showing a better performance than in the 1st leg in Shah Alam.Other than that,the things that make you had a hellova time was:
- The Kallang Wave;I don't know how many rounds did the crowd did..maybe more than 5 in one go?
- The shouting and screaming.Ole ole ole and buto! Yeah,that was sure fun.
- The celebration of course! Never felt so happy for a very long time. =D

The stadium sank with silence when Malaysia had the lead and when Singapore equalised the score,the stadium was back to how it was even before the match started;fucking loud.Something to share here..I was getting bored of waiting and seeing Singapore already in a losing position,in fact,everyone was bored and tired and I just shouted out loud for no reason "Eh goal ah sia!".I was asking for a goal and guess what.Right after that,people started standing up and whoa!,the whole crowd stood and noise filled the national stadium again! LoLLercoaster..my lucky charm? Haha,only god knows.

Oh yeah,something else to share as well.The only thing that i didn't like about the match was the attitude of Singaporeans towards the Malaysian team.Jeering and stuff.Well,pretty much normal in a soccer match and to make matters worse,rivals.Kinda felt fucktup about it at first because it would be such a 'lose-face' if Singapore lost the match with all the jeering even before the referee blew the whistle for kick-off for 1st half.But oh wel,thats how it goes I guess and thought about it again,I realised that the Malaysians hate us Singaporeans more.Any Sporean supporters going there,whether its a win or lost for the lions,they will still be attacked verbally by Msian supporters,not forgetting all the curses that they might say.Not to mention they view us as an ISLAND.Yeah,we may be fucking small but we're still a REPUBLIC.BUT,my point here is not about who's the worst,its about the attitude.Does bad or ill-treatment must be repaid with ill-treatment as well? In other words in malay "perlukah kejahatan dibalas juga dengan kejahatan?" Well,I guess alot of people might be having this in their minds too but like I said,it just goes that way.Its the human nature I guess.Its like as if revenge is the only way to make them feel better and destroy their opponent.

Anyway that's all I have to say.To Imran who's not feeling well,get well soon dude.
Going to National Stadium again on wednesday to watch the 1st-leg Finals.
Adios amigos quackos. \m/

Short post.

2007-01-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

Went to check out 201 studio with Hafiz.
Tagged along Nadiah's band.

Pro:
-Spacious room.
-Air-con does not stink like swee lee studio.
-Guitars and bass alright la.(Frm my view that is since i know little about guitars.)

Cons:
-Almost all,or should I say ALL,of the wires are short.How short?Standing infront of the amp when playing guitar.
-The gadget looks like an old device thats been in a box for years but still does its job.
-One important lesson learnt and that is looks can be deceiving.Nadiah showed Hafiz and me a pic of the double bass drums before we went in.Looked cool but oh my,like any other normal jamming studio,it wasn't really maintained.Why can't they have brand new equipment or at least the ones that are still in shape?For example,the floor tom drum head.Don't be like swee lee covering up a 3-way tear in the floor tom drum head by using a duct tape.What do you get?Below-dead tone.And what's with the duct tape all over the toms?Fuck it man.And yeah,why do you ruin your set by dampening or muffling the toms by again using duct tape when you can actually tune properly to the desired tone?Guess its for anyone to use,so they don't give a fuck since what they get is just money.Putting duct tape is TEMPORARY dampening.Overall,the drum is okay.The snare's and the toms sound nice(the 2 floor toms sound okok only cos it was duct-tapeD),both bass were good as well(except i felt the positioning for the left bass was odd),hi-hat sounds good but the pedal was freaking loose but the MAIN spoiler for the whole set is the....cymbals.FUCK,all the 3 cymbals that were put there has no tone AT ALL. 2 of the cymbals has TOTALLY lost it's tone but one just sounds like PAPER.Yes,goddamit,paper.I don't know what the fuck is it made of(i think aluminium,there was dents all over,wtf?! a cymbal made of aluminium?!).Try throwing a piece of paper into the air and hit it with a stick.Thats how it sounds like.The goddamn gigantic 22" ride crash is at least still in shape and sound nice.

Okok.Enough of all that shit-talking.I'm not trying to say this particular studio is bad or bla3.Swee lee sucks as well.I have to say,our best jamming spot is still Dunman sec.Why?All the equipments except for the drums are brand new and although to me not having a double pedal or bass for the drums,the toms,crash(cymbals) and other stuff sounds great.No duct-tape or whatsoever(used to have a duct tape with FULLSCAP paper on the low tom but i ripped it off).And best of all,ITS FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE for how longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg we want to jam.

Anyway I'm sad cos lost kinda my touch for playing double bass.Hais..all that hardwork for a year..becoming inconsistent due to Os and not able to practise.Damn,useless musician I am.That means,I got alot of work to do.Ok,aku dah malas nk type lagi.
Bye Byes.

Some thoughts to share. =/

2007-01-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

Hey.To all muslims,selamat menyambut maal hijrah.(Happy new year la.)
(=

Its 12.07 am and I'm kinda bored so I thought of writing some shit here.
Just some thoughts in my mind that I want to share..

1. Err,Hafiz,I don't know why you're not talking to me as much as you used to.I can accept friends drifting away because of the fact in life that people come and go but its like we used to be close and I myself somehow can't understand seeing you avoiding me or imran.I may be over reacting la and from your point of view,it may be not true at all,but that's how we or rather I see it.Heard that you need some time off from the band.I can understand that but at least next time say and not just disappear?So that rest of us in the band can know that we're not going to be together for some time when one of us needs some time off.Not blaming you or something,just don't want any misunderstanding among ourselves.Cleared mine with Imran.I myself can't be jamming and thinking about the band 24/7.Although I may have a boring life,I think about a lot of stuff and I guess that's the reason why I tend to come back to thinking about the band rather quickly because although I may look like I don't have anything going on,I'm actually busy.If you have anything bad happening in your life or something,I'll just hope and pray for you that it'll be resolved,sooner or later.Honestly,I would not have said all these but because the 3 of us used to make a promise that we would be open,frank and honest to each other so that if there's anything that any one of us is not easy with,it could be resolved in the best possible way.(Ok,i sound like a faggot.I just care for other ppl la ok.)

2. Imran,I still want to thank you for your time last wednesday cos' it turned out to be a very enjoyable sesh with the '07 sec 5 n.a guys.Haha,I didn't want to go actually but since you flipped a coin and it was a head which means go,so I just went with the flow.I appreciate it very much that you are trying your very best to make things better like having the thought to spare some time for jamming and make up for the rainy tuesday incident.I can see that and I would like to say thanks alot.About 10 feb,I know you want to go for it.Actually,I don't know if I want to but I don't mind being there for the band.But after thinking about it,I have to be making more decisive decisions and can't just be saying "anything" when people ask me if I want to go for it.So,now honestly,I want to go for it! =D (its okay if we cant make it in the end and sorry for disappointing you.fuck it...)

3. Ever since that sesh with the sec 5 n.a guys,I realised that music brings people together no matter what differences they have.Generally,people would think that its just a normal statement but not if you really experience it.Now that I've seen it with my own eyes and due to my presence of being there making music in the first place,I really feel great and happy to be alive.Its hard to put it in words because its a hellova feeling to experience.You'll just feel great!Can't deny that they were good.(Everyone is good in their own way,in context of music that is).Not to mention that they are humble people(except for andre,he seems to be cold but i dun wanna be shit-talking him).If Imran says that Asyraf reminded him of himself,I would have the say their drummer,Azhar,reminded me of myself too.When Imran and me reached the basement,we just went around saying hi to them and Nadiah and got crazy on the mic and keyboard.Then I heard Azhar was trying to play Creeping Death.He was there with Asyraf trying to figure out how to pull off this particular part of the song.So I went over to ask him if he was trying to play Creeping Death and he said yea.So I offered some help and kinda taught him how to play that part.Just told him to get the bass and snare to coordinate first,he can try it with hi-hat later on.In the end,he never really achieved what he wanted but it sure sounded better.In my mind,I'm just seeing him taking small achievable steps and when all these are put together,it finally adds up to the whole song.Not boasting here,but as a musician,I'm just happy I've helped someone by sharing my knowledge so that music goes on.Just like me in my early days of drumming,I was never good at it(now okok la but i still have a longgggg way).But thanks to my 3 principles of P which are Patience,Practise and Perseverance,I have to admit I had made it to somewhere(at least not nowhere right,hahaha).One of my biggest challenges were playing the double bass for Fade To Black.When I just started,all I could think of was just enduring and constantly playing with 2 legs for one minute with my arms doing some rolls for the last 10 seconds and HOW THE HELL DO I DO IT MAN?! I used to get tired flat half-way but the more I played,I was able to hold on longer and in the end during one sesh,I just so happen to play it full and walla(Goddamn..the feeling's good).

4. "Wah.Macam Lars Ulrich ah." That's what Azhar said after Asyraf and me played Creeping Death.Haha,funny man.Funny as in...ok la,lars IS one of my fav.Honestly,he influence me a lot but i dun wanna be crazy over someone and like no life you know...lars ulrich-all-the-way!! Thats fucking gay and so enclosed. Lars is my idol but I still like other drummers as well.People like Joey from Slipknot,Portnoy from Dream Theatre,A7X's drummer,Travis from Blink 182 and many more la.Not wad,I hear from people that they say NxHz's drummer is like lars ulrich.Well,I thank you and appreciate it very much for the comment and support.I don't know if my drumming style is like his(i try my very best to be not like him) but if others say I'm still like that,then..thats cool i guess.Thanks guys! (= (i do want to have a drumming style of my own and still finding it.)

That's all I guess.
Taggin' along Nadiah's band to go jamming this friday.She said the drums are double bass.If it is,then cool.Just going to have a look at it and try out.YOU KNOW HOW BAD I WANT TO TRY THAT KIND OF STUFF.Other than that,I wanna watch others jam.
Alright then,See ya.Wait,one more thing.

5. Love makes people go crazy. (Haha,I don't know why I said that.Hearing too much stories from friends about their love life.)

New Year

2007-01-19T20:22:00.000+08:00

Let me just start by saying HAPPY ISLAMIC NEW YEAR! To all Muslims of course. It's the 1st of Muharram today.

We haven't been jamming much lately, but I expected this since we' all got different things going on. For my part, going to MI already takes up lots of time. It's really tiring, even frustrating at times travelling the long distance, not because of the time it takes, it's when there's no comfortable place to sleep =p

Zulraihan and I went to dunman on wednesday. It was a last minute thing since Nadiah (4C '06) messaged Han on the day itself. Unfortunately, Hafiz couldn't make it. So Han and I arranged to meet at dunman sec's main gate around 420pm.

We went inside and discovered that not only Nadiah and her bassist were using the jamming corner, Asyraf's band was there too. At first I came in with a bad feeling in my gut 'cause Hafiz once told me that Asyraf kinda boasted and challenged our band...but in the end it turned out alright. Jamming with Asyraf felt REFRESHING actually. It felt good to hear him play the guitar so well, I got to admit he is one hellova guitarist. Who knows, we could even turn out to be good friends if I were to hang out with him often. I'm sure there's a lot we could learn from each other...

This made me think about what Hafiz told me. Asyraf's just as good as me and the sec 5 guys. I might be somebody who recieves lots of attention, but this is not because I'm the best. I figured it's because the sec 5 guys and the old seniors were treating me like a little brother since I was the youngest, teasing me for being able to play guitar around the same level. That brings my point to Asyraf. Maybe the sec 5 guys didn't mind calling me names like "Kirk Hammet" and "Steve Vai" (as if I'm THAT good...lolz) since all of them were into teasing me, but HIS friends calling me stuff like that might make a guy like him feel neglected. I mean, he's pretty good too, so why don't people say anything about him? He advertises his interest much more than me, I play just for leisure. He deserves more credit.

So maybe when Asyraf was talking to Hafiz, he was more to the joking side when he said things like playing better than me. Just imagine a poser saying "I can play better than u" and a fun-loving guy like Navin saying "I can play better than u ah =p." The second one's probably what he meant. It sounds much more friendly, a mocking kinda joke. Furthermore, he was really humble when I picked up the guitar, especially for Master of Puppets. He explained to me that he couldn't play and offered to let me do the solo saying he'd be improvising nonsense, but his "nonsense" sounded good enough to me. I decided to play rhythm that time coz i felt like letting out the energy through singing. I've been listening to MOP while going to MI lots of times and it feels good to finally express the thrill of MOP. I guess I like songs associated with power...

Oh yeahh, my voice sucked. haha...Hafiz is simply the man, man...

I liked the way Asyraf played the a7x song as well as the creeping death solo. Seeing him play somehow reminded me of myself. During the song, I was kinda torn between watching his guitar playing and Han's drumming. Personally, I found both really fantastic. I really wish Hafiz was there to experiance it. It'd be just like the old days when there was 3 of us, just that now we're more seasoned.

I have one more thing to share with the band, but it looks like I'm out of time. I'm at my grandma's place, using my grandma's com which has grandma speed =p My mom's telling me we g2 leave now, so until then...

Whiskey in the Jar

2007-01-11T01:18:00.000+08:00

THERE IS use in getting over it quickly.I just want the band to be positive-minded and forward-looking whenever something bad happens.(Not necessarily when bad things happen.We should be like that all the time.)

Well I hope now things are going to clear up now.Really hope we can jam on a weekend;so that Imran can make it,next week;like what Hafiz said.

Anyway,lets push all that shit aside.

You know whiskey in the jar is a cover done by metallica and some other bands right? Yeah,damn fucking nice song.
Well here it is,I don't know if you guys ever saw it but I found the original artist which wrote the song.I really3 like it.Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8RDakrsGsE

Okay,this is the metallica version.The real video for it sucks and the song's not full.So I thought this is cool and cute.LoLs.Whiskey in the jar featuring...LEGO men and props.Yeap,thats it,LEGO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMfUQduILhE

miscommunication

2007-01-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm finally using the com after so long! I'm using my bro's computer right now coz mine isn't working. Hardly been online these days coz there's only one working computer now and he hogs it you see.

I'll get straight to the point. Firstly, if anyone here's angry or disappointed with me for any reason, please just be honest. I would really prefer you telling me what I'm doing/did wrong so that we/I can work things out. I'm happy that Zulraihan came out to say what was on his mind.

Now about rainy tuesday.

Initially I thought I could go and trust me, I really wanted to. However, the air-con guys didn't finish at 1pm...in fact they took the whole day. I had to stay at home to help move ALL the furniture in and out of my mom's, my bro's and my own room. I also had to be there to supervise where the pipes should be fixed in my room, tell the guys where to drill everything. It's not as easy as telling them roughly where to put stuff, coz they have to ask me about measurements and all sorts of things. Sometimes even mistakes were made. On one occasion they couldn't continue drilling holes in the wall when they discovered that it was supported by iron foundation bars. So I had to change the layout of the pipes and all. Bascially that was how my day was spent. Everything ended by 7+

When I messaged you guys, I usually smsed Hafiz (I think he was mostly using Khairul's hp but I can't remember). On one occasion I specifically remember calling Hafiz, who said he was on his way to school. I'm pretty sure that was around 2+. In this conversation we had, I thought I made it clear that I had low chance of coming, and in this case jam without me. It was more to the jam without me side. I didn't sms everyone in the band coz tt's the way it usually works right? Tell one person and tt person will update the others. Besides, if he was on his way there I figured he'd tell the rest, so that's y I didn call up every one of u guys, which is probably y I seemed to not care abt jamming that day.

I think Hafiz didn understand what I had said the way I intended it to be understood. It's not anyone's fault, this happened because of a miscommunication.

When I recieved a call at 4+, I was surprised to hear tt u guys were still expecting me. Although I had to be at home, I was really waiting for my chance to leave the house, which was repeatedly denied since I was needed. My mom ultimately confirmed that I couldn't go the time u guys called. Generally, what went through my mind was that u guys were already jamming, having a great time and I couldn't wait to join u all.

I didn't noe u all were actually waiting in the rain.

That's all I can type for now. There are some assumptions about me in the previous post that I will clear next time...I got homework

2007-01-03T18:32:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year People.

What i'm about to write is what and how i feel abt nxhz.Unfortunately,i'm someone who is used to keeping everything inside without letting it out at all,which explains why i'm terrible bad at words.

Imran,this is for YOU.

You know what friend,you were being selfish on that fucktup rainy tuesday.First of all,if you really think you can't make it,just say no and not make others hanging onto hopes that you're coming.Yeah i mean you told us 11am-1pm.We called you at 430 and you were still at home and said you're nt coming.So there we were,stranded in the rain and not knowing where to go.I appreciate the fact that you bothered to sms us back by saying sorry.And i also thought that you were going to make up for it like maybe go jamming on some other day.But no,you didnt call,didnt sms,nothing.Must Hafiz and me be the ones always asking you to go out jamming?Are you serious in the first place?I'm not hoping nxhz. to be rock stars one day but this i guess is what you call basic ethique/ethic?I dont fucking know how to spell it so let me just say it in malay;pemikiran yang asas.BASIC STUFF in friendships and the way humans relate to each other.Thanks for all the financial aid you provided for the band but in the end if its LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW,ask yourself,is it worth it?

If i were you,even though if the band was not going to jam that day,i would have taken the trouble of going out to meet my band members although its raining to explain why i cant make it and maybe promise them that you will make up for it.

You didnt want to even miss the first day of school.Look at nadiah.She went to MI.But she said she wanted to go off half-way and she told me this; "I NEED AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY BAND".Wow,if only...nvm.At least she's not as selfish as you are.Fine,whatever i said may have been wrong.You're worried about your future.We're just pieces of shit cakes who cant bother.

Honestly,you gave hafiz and me one big blow and i'm super worried for hafiz.Ever since that day,he's been not interested in almost everything and the way he talks is like as if he has no more smangat.Well i dunno what's bothering him;may be some other problems but i'm sure he hates this feeling that i'm experiencing as well.Whatever it is i pray and hope the best for him.

Imran,whatever path that you choose,i respect your decision and i wish you luck in jc and life.You can hate me for being wrong if you want.

Personally about nxhz.,being together for more than a year means a lot to me.Thank you hafiz and imran for all the good times.Thanks to khai and seth for ever helping out on the bass.We did went through alot of shit;from the matter of adib to whats happened to the band.As a band,i've always regarded hafiz and you like my own brothers but i dont care if i dont get back the same treatment.I dont expect any special treatment.The most important thing in the band for me was my friendship with the two of us.Honestly,i'm actually scared to lose any of you and i'm also scared that whatever i say or do would provoke or turn off any of you guys.But,what can you expect out of me?Bullshit,exactly.Always getting stuck in the middle of stuff,all i want to do is just resolve things in a way that both sides would be happy eventually but in the end all i do is just mess things up and make it worse.I MAKE A MESS OUT OF ONE'S LIFE and that is why i am hated as a person.I know me,i fuck others' lives well.No matter how hard i try to have a thought for others,i will mess things up.And maybe the way i show my apprecation is not that welcoming or forth-coming enough.Although knowing the fact that i'm a jackass,i still bother to try to fix the shit cos Allah makes me believe that anything and everything can be better if TRY and DO,not just talk.All you need is just some patience,confidence and hope in yourself.When things are down for nxhz.,i would try to make the situation better altho it seems that there's no solution to it.When that happens,i feel like i'm all alone in the world trying to fix something which i dont know if its there in the first place.I feel as gay as wanting to cry because its like as if no one cares but i hate to give up and thats why i keep trying.But in the end,we still make it through.Thats one of the many wonderful things i like abt nxhz.

But look at it now.I duno wad to say la.I dun intend to say all these because i fear whatever i say will cause others to get angry and bla3 but if you guys ever doubted abt nxhz or me,i've written it all there.

To imran,
If you dont intend to be in the band anymore,i dont mind and am not angry.

To afiz,
Take care and hope your probs resolve soon.Be positive alright.

To both,
I appreciate EVERYTHING that we have. (maybe had)

2006-12-19T04:16:00.000+08:00

Yo people!
Good Morning!
Selamat Pagi!
Chao An!
and
"Good Morning(in Tamil)"!

Just an update on nxhz..we're currently 'dead' now as our mister afiz left for a 5-day vacation yesterday.C'mon man,the foreman of the band needs to take a break as well while keeping his cool yea?We're gonna miss you bro.Nevertheless,the rest of us are still up to our own stuff.Hafiz and me asked Imrant to learn "Creeping Death" 's solo(Imran,you better have learn it.I dont care if its not perfect)..me with my air-drumming..got Khai to assist us in bass for the song and brush up on the parts that he's not sure to play on and so,a big thanks to Khai for helping us out.I love you Khai.Oh yea,i think we're having this 'disease' or habit of saying 'I Love You' to each other among us.Hafiz and Khai got it started and Imran,he's no.1 when it comes to loving guys so that just makes it even better and I'm the last one to get infected by the 'disease'.Whatever,I love you guys.(=.
LoLs!!!

Anyway,boring sials..like when the heck are we gonna jam.Kinda psyched up that we're working on our own songs.Tryna restrict myself from getting over-excited.Its kinda of an amazing feeling to know that your band's writing songs of your own,especially when its the first time.All the crazy ideas come out.But have to admit that I come out with rather plain and stock ideas for the drums.Honestly,I'm not that good on it but I'm still learning and improving and hope to keep up with Imran and Hafiz,whom these 2 people definitely have alot of potential in song-writing.Both proved themselves during last week's sesh in dmn's basement and thanks to Khai again for assisting us for the bass.I love you Khai.(=

Oh yes!I've found a way,(still not perfect though),to record songs in super clear quality!!!Yessaaah!!What a breakthrough..hehe.I'm doing this for your sake neonixehertz.Although its kinda of a long process,i guess its worth.Its some sort of the same steps to usual studio recording except that we dont have studio equipments.Just using what we have and a big thanks to my digi cam which can record sound clips and giving awesome results and to this 'sound-editing' program Praba introduced to me.I was on the verge of giving up the whole idea as I was taking like..3 to 4 hours just to get the sound clips recorded from the camera into the suitable type of format so that the program could recognize and read it?The program is able to read sound clips of most formats but the ones that were coming out from my cam were "IMA ADPCM".Like..wtheck of a format is that?!The usual ones are like wav,PCM and mp3 formats and I just never came across "IMA ADPCM" but thats all solved now as I've found a way to convert the sound clips recorded from the cam into formats that are readable by the program.Wheee...(=

Oh man..I'm talking too much.Well,thats all for now.Till we jump in the fire again.
\m/

post #1

2006-12-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

Wow, the blog's not bad eh? The blog format looks cool, but somehow I think the small letters in our logo at the header looks a bit too simple in a way. Otherwise, everything looks hot :-)

Our performance at Graduation went pretty well but personally, I felt disappointed with myself. I told most people that I was nervous, but that's a really big generalisation. Here's the real screw-up: my amplifier equalisation settings (vol, bass, middle, treble, crunch and so on) were different from the previous (rehearsal) day and so my guitar's distortion sounded like crap. Not only that, my guitar volume was overpowering. Throughout the performance, i was trying to restrict my energy so that Hafiz's guitar could be heard. There was little time to make adjustments as explained by Zulraihan in the 1st post. So yeahh, all that made me nervous. There were some solo parts where my guitar couldn't be heard because of either 1 out of 3 things:

1) I missed the string
2) I didn't pluck hard enough
3) the amp equalisation made it inaudible

And as if that wasn't bad enough, I played the wrong notes a couple of times. It was really embarassing. I was kind of in a state of shock after the performance. In fact, someone smsed me/us after our performance; "OMG, U GUYS RAAAWWWWK!", it went something like that. The reply I gave was "really?" (one word)...at that moment I subconsciously responded as though I was talking to someone in front of me. It was only after a while I realised that it was a really weird kind of thing to text-message someone. Oh well...

Hafiz was cool. Not many ppl can sing and play the guitar, it was really an eye-opener.

Zulraihan impressed the crowd with his drumming skills, as usual. I heard one guy saying he played like Lars (metallica's drummer)

Khairul was great too. He had to learn how to play songs at the last minute! He was really moving like a rocker.

As for me? "Well...your band got the biggest crowd. Don't worry, you were ok. It wasn't noticeable/that bad." This was the kinda response I got. Still, I'm grateful that our performance as a whole was good. I don't expect any praise on my part especially for screwing up. I feel guilty actually. Feel free to criticise me, I noe I sucked up there. I'm really open and I'm not depressed about it.

Enough on the performance, let's move on shall we...

We jammed in school on tuesday, it was really cool. We went crazy playing all the things we wanted to since we weren't confined to an hour like how we usually are at Wee Lee Bedok. The equipment's much better, except for the fact that the drums had only one paddle. I even parodied Hindustani songs (nope, I still hate them), the backstreet boys and Linkin Park's In The End. Zulraihan ran around the jamming corner while we played the 4 horsemen (Metallica song). Personally, I didn't think it was stupid. It was crazy, and going crazy is exactly what we're supposed to do when we jam. Otherwise, it wouldn't be fun, would it? =D

About our own song, Hafiz and Zulraihan seemed to like a slow part I came up with...but it sounded really emo! Come to think of it, I did come up with it a couple of months back, when I was feeling sad. Haha. Even the riffs I had in mind sounded sinister, also due to dark thoughts that I had/have. It's about some cool character in a fantasy world I created. Those ideas would probably make a cool video game. Think God of War + Legacy of Kain + Tenchu adventure game. Ok, going off-topic here..

I tried coming up with all sorts of riffs. Funny thing is, all of them were everything except metal. I even came up with a Spanish jingle! Somehow, it's hard coming up with something heavy and cool. In my opinion the riff Hafiz came up with was ok, but it was too basic unless we add some stuff later. It's not about making it complex, but it sounds so common to me that I can't help but realise how basic it sounds, people might not even recognise it as metal. It would sound like simple plan trying to come up with a metal riff. Not insulting his idea, but I think we should do more to make it work. The same goes for my slow part.

The metal scene looks glamourous and I daresay that there are more and more bands that claim to be metal but they just don't have the juice. There are bands like Dragonforce, whose songs I find to be too technical-their songs don't really give me the adrenaline rush that I expect when I listen to metal. Too much solo. On the other hand, there are bands that over-play the bass strings with a simple riff and it doesn't feel very exciting when you know what they're playing is soo simple.

It'd take too long to explain, but these are my thoughts to sum it up. A good metal song usually has a nice riff and an adequate solo (or two). The riff need not be complicated but one thing for sure, it has to be cool. It has to sound nice. Take the Red Hot Chili Peppers for example, they're not the band with the most professional guitarists/drummer, but they sure made it big. On most guitar tab websites, you'll find the most popular artist searches to be stuff like Metallica or RHCP!

I'm done. Wow, this post is really long. If I were to bitch, I bet I'd be really good at it. haha

2006-12-13T01:40:00.000+08:00

Die!! Die!! Die!! Whats with the die die die?? Haha..thats cos' we jammed at dunman today! We had fun at the jamming corner at the basement!! From 2-6 for fucking FREE!!! We're like graduates who are abusing the stuffs there but we kept the place clean. (= .Everything sounded great..the 2 guitars ,the bass,the amps,the mics are a little bit fucked up though,the speakers,..everything(Credits to dunman for really providing with good equipment although the jamming 'room' turned out to be a corner.Still,its a place to jam).Everything except for the drums.Sounded like shit(as usual) and no double pedals(I personally feel having a single pedal somehow hinders the ability and skill of dunman's future drummers to develop.Unless you can use the technique of making a single pedal sound like double).Starting to pity myself cos' wherever we go to jam,the drums suck big time.Oh god oh god,Neonixehertz needs a drum kit of it's own.

Started the session with Imran's cool idea for a song.Hell yea man..finally we're writing our own songs.It sounded quite emo but it was damn nice.Hafiz,Khai and me liked it very much.Added in the drums and the whole thing sounded pretty cool(actually cool and nice la..LOLs,wth).Was scared at first if the guys would say my idea for the song was too boring or shit but Imran said he liked it.Although Imran's idea was just an intro,we kept playing and discussed on how the song should go on and surprisingly,we managed to get the verse,bridge and chorus parts to be done as well.Honestly,I myself am shock to see our fast progression and we shall thank god for that.The 2 guitarists had trouble trying to make the song sound more metal-ish but they made it through and Hafiz came out with a cool bridge which i personally like it very much.Khai's contributions for the bass made it even sound nicer.We got stuck and ran out of ideas after that and so we decided to jam the usual songs.

Creeping Death and Master of Puppets.Fade To Black was left out cos' Hafiz and me didnt want to play it.Out of the blue,we played Four Horsemen and the part where there was a rhythm solo,I did something really really stupid.Tried to follow Lars Ulrich of running from one drum kit to another when it was that part during a concert in San Diego in 1992(watched it on youtube).
Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws1WqMOxpQs
The solo is short and so he had rush to the other drum kit.I really thought that was cool.AND SO..when we came to that part,this was what i did: Since there was only ONE drum kit there,I ran one whole big round on the small platform of the jamming corner.YES I KNOW,IT'S STUPID.The rest looked at me in confusion.I could see in their faces like as if they were saying "what the heck is han trying to do?!"When the solo ended and everything came into the music again,Hafiz laughed like mad and smiled at me while playing to show that he understood my point of running around the platform during that solo because he watched the video that I was refering to.Yeap..thats the truth and reality of it..Neonixehertz has a retarded drummer.

After all that stuff,we tried on another song that again,Imran came out with.It was a nice riff and i added the drums in and bla3..we only did the intro as there wasnt much time to spend.The basement was supposed to be closed at 5 pm but since the key was handed over to me and due to our thrash-playing,we ended jamming at 5.25 pm i think.Then we took our time to pack our stuff before taking pictures.When we got out of the basement,thats when we only realised it was 6.Imran and me were the last people to go out while Hafiz,Khai and Azip were out of school.After returning the key,guess what.Imran realised that he had left his mp3 in the basement. -.- ..so he took back the key and open up everything to get it back.After that,we got out and everyone headed home.

Oh yea..Imran said that Mdm Suhani asked him if he want to put a show in some sort of a gig in the basement next year when school re-opens.I thought it was him alone performing but he said its a band performance.Its like 'back-to-school' kind of thing and I guess if that's going to take place,we are really looking forward to it.Guess its somehow of a way to make the basement more popular and well-known?The basement would be an attraction to the lower sec especially sec 1 as they are new to the school but I hope that the bands mainly from sec 3 and 4 would seize the opportunity to use the jamming facility to do your stuffs.One thing for sure,if the gig is confirmed,WE ARE COMING.=D.

So today basically we had a lot of fun and enjoyed ourselves,got 2 songs currently in progress and erm..Roy,I'm sorry but you cant come jamming with us anymore.You are just TOO irritating.Alright peeps,thats all..here's the pics.. (=

2006-12-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

First post for the band's blog.. Agreed to Han's idea to have a band blog.. Hols here.. feeling bored.. Why not?.. haha.. trying out this new idea.. seems cool tho..Aite. so changed the skins and everything.. tagboard is up.. current band's logo is up too.. wad else.. hmm.. posts.. i gez so..So yea.. basically our Mr Han summarised what happened during our first performance on our graduation dae.. From my P.O.V tho.. we cocked up big time, as in the two guitarists.. haha.. not much movement, played some parrts wrongly.. but wth, we had fun.. a great experience.. Big thanks to khaii and seth, for helping us out with the bass for the rehearsals n actual performance.. appreciate everything.. Gd luck guys with ur band..
Aite..so gez dats all for now.. Rock on metal lovers n all.. \m/

What the hell??

2006-12-10T03:50:00.002+08:00

Hello? Hello? Testing..Hahaha. I don't know why I wanted to come out with a band blog. I just thought it was kinda cool. Well,anyway,its Han here. Basically just typing out crap and nonsense to try out this thing which is so new to me. Hafiz and Imran..please please please start writing some shit for our song. When are we going to have a song of our own..haiz. I need a rift for me to work on the drums..

21/11/2006. Our very first performance. Got the feeling of playing on stage. I guess we were fairly nervous at first but told each other to trust ourselves and not screw up. However,things went wrong at the LAST MINUTE. When it was our turn,afiz's guitar went out of tune,imran's guitar wont produce a sound due to the wires. So,it was just khai and me on stage with our instruments ready and we were like "oh no" when trouble arose. So much for our early preparation so that we won't look stupid tuning our stuff on stage when people are waiting anxiously. But overall,it went well i suppose..kinda surprised that we attracted a bigger crowd compared to the other bands when our slot for the graduation programme was the second last band. Feedbacks from others was that they said ours was the clearest amongst all and that we played well and nice. So i guess..that rocks. \m/. Here's a view from the crowd..
The amps for the guitars and bass were good and solid as it was brand new. The drums? Honestly,sucks thanks to the school band. It was a brand new kit bought earlier on this year. After a band performance during CNY celebrations, it was left unused and so the school band use it over time before "claiming" it that its their's. That's one thing, so much for calling themselves "musicians" and BANDITS. The kit was in total thrash when Wei Ming and me got to it! It was in a rather bad condition for a less-than-a-year drum kit and the sounds,very very very poor. For example,the low tom sounds higher than the high tom. -.- ..what the heck?! The school band does not even tune the toms after playing for such a long time and not to mention even maintaining the kit. So much for the sticker "Tune for Thrash" at the front of the bass drum,it says for itself i guess. Special thanks to Wei Ming for providing a drum key. We did some tuning before fucking the drums upside down.

The performance really gave us vital and meaningful experience as we now know what to do and expect for a show. I guess afiz would wanna headbang more often and imran,move around! Hahaha..Khai was cool! Headbang man..whoo..and me? Nothing to say..i'm off form when it comes to single pedal drums. Not acting like some pro, but i prefer double pedals or better double bass but did the best so as not to let the band down. Looking back at the whole thing,it gave us confidence to do better and perhaps perform more. Whatever it is,i believe that our relations are improved and that we are much more emotionally-attached now..LOLs! Right bros? ;)